#since I know one of the named guardians is vultur which isn’t in itself the name of the genus

[moved-to-void-kissed]

..The fact that I just spent a solid hour or so scrolling through the entirety of Wikipedia’s list of bird genera to come up with a self-insert name probably isn’t a good sign, is it

(For context, all of the named Celestrians in Dragon Quest IX are named after birds - Aquila meaning eagle, Columba meaning dove, Corvus meaning crow, and so on. This also extends to the names written on various towns’ Guardian statues. Unfortunately I think they’re more specifically named after constellations of birds, like Apus Major - since the bird-of-paradise genus on its own is just Apus - so.. that narrows options down.)

..I’m still thinking about Pavo a lot

[popwasabi]

My MCU Phase 4 Wishlist

So, over a decade and 23 fucking films later an era of Marvel’s Cinematic Universe has finally concluded with “Spider-man: Far From Home” premiering last week. 

It’s still staggering just how robust this franchise is considering in just eleven years’ time it already has amassed nearly as many films as the James Bond franchise and is arguably a more bankable series at this point than “Star Wars.” Though it’s not a perfect series by any stretch its success is nonetheless tied to its consistent, often magnetic charm and grand action set pieces and Phase 3 showed that it was even capable of some complex and nuanced growth. The third phase tackled deeper more emotional issues for our favorite super heroes while also giving many of its directors more free reign to do as they please with their scripts. Not always perfectly but it was more often than not hugely successful at reaching audiences on a personal level.

(Sometimes with mixed results...)

But as much as “Endgame” was a near perfect sendoff for this franchise, The Mouse isn’t done by any stretch with churning these films out seemingly until the end of time, so with that mind where should Disney go from here since it looks like the franchise will continue on indefinitely?

There’s a lot of ways to envision success for the MCU, and some wheels are already in motion between next year’s “Eternals” and Disney+’s streaming MCU shows but what would it really take for this series to get to the next level? Well this writer has some ideas and is more than happy to share a few of them.

 Make the Villains More Prominent (and stop killing them off!)

Less so in Phase 3 but consistently throughout most of the series has been a total lack in quality villain performances and story-telling. Whether they are generic mustache-twirlers, essentially dark mirrors of the hero or just plain half-baked characters, the MCU has really done a disservice to its robust catalogue of rogues by often wasting the talents of great actors and actresses all to just check a box in a super hero script.

And on top of that they are consistently dead by the end of each film giving them no chance for growth in a sequel. I mean it’s not like we haven’t seen that work before right?

(Case in point)

For phase 4, especially in the wake of two thirds of the Marvel’s Holy Trinity out of the picture, villains should take center stage now more than ever. The heroes of this newer, younger and developing Avengers are probably not ready for the responsibility of protecting the world and the universe as evidenced by the near catastrophic mess Spider-man commits in “Far From Home” and to have the villains of this next phase take advantage of that would be a smart move.

These villains need to be prominent, larger than life and command a nuance to them that much of the older films did not have. A character like Norman Osborn for instance could step in to fill the power vacuum left behind by Stark’s shadow as the new tech futurist of Earth but of course without the responsibility and good intentions of Iron Man. Doctor Doom could be a counter to Black Panther’s Wakanda as a polar opposite of nations in Latveria. And bringing on a character like Mephisto could further expand the mystical side of the MCU that started to be explored in “Dr. Strange.”

(But seriously, Marvel Studios, if I don’t get Toby Stephens as Norman Osborn I will riot...)

Either way, these villains need to carry on for more than one film for a change. Only Thanos, Vulture and Loki have managed to get past their first movies but if Phase 4 is going to be more distinctive it needs to have these villains come together in some way, perhaps even a *gasp* team-up! Having the villains form a super team to fight a younger more inexperienced Avengers could provide for some great drama and welcome change to the usual “fight an army of nameless goons, aliens and/or robots” of the previous era.

In any case, Kevin Feige and The Mouse need to have their sights set on truly developing these villains beyond just simple one-offs and into fully fleshed out characters that can continue to be trouble for our heroes across the series.

 Expand the Cosmic Spectrum of the MCU

The MCU is a science fiction series, if that didn’t already occur to you before, what with it’s iron-suited heroes, super soldiers and in these last two phases space aliens. With the latter the next phase really needs to lean into this and all its possibilities.

There’s a wealth of characters and worlds to explore on the cosmic level of Marvel Comics that not just the Guardians of the Galaxy can be a part of and Disney would be smart to bring even more properties into this real estate of the MCU.

It should namely start with Adam Warlock who was teased in the mid-credits scene of “Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2.” Warlock has long been a favorite character of mind, dating back to reading my dad’s old copies of the Infinity Gauntlet and Infinity Watch. He’s a charismatic character who effectively blends both the cosmic and mystical side of the Marvel Universe together that can lead to a wealth of possibilities across the new MCU. Who should play him is purely subjective at this point but I can tell you right now Zach Efron isn’t even my fourth choice on that particular ladder.

(Maaaaaybe?)

With the Fox deal, Disney also has the option to bring Silver Surfer and Galactus into the mix which they absolutely should at some point. Beta Ray Bill is also said to be making his debut in “Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3” who can take over for Thor as Chris Hemsworth will eventually move on from the franchise at some point. Guardians will eventually need to retire too of course which opens up the possibility for the Infinity Watch with characters like Moon Dragon, Maxam and Pip the Troll and don’t tell me any of them wouldn’t work on the big screen. If Rocket Racoon can be a fan favorite Moon Dragon, Pip and Maxam can definitely make it too.

Either way the Marvel Universe is big fucking place and Disney would be dumb to not explore more of it for future franchises.

 Make better Original Scores

Johan Goransson’s Oscar win for Best Original Score for his work on “Black Panther” was a watershed moment for this franchise because it showed how super hero music can still be relevant. Imagine Christopher Reeve’s “Superman” without John Williams theme music or Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” without Hans Zimmer’s prominent percussion echoing the legend of Batman. Its not nearly as memorable and I feel the MCU has largely short-changed itself by not putting a higher emphasis on original scores during its decade-long run.

(*Bwaaaaaam BWAAAAAAAAAMMMM* I can hear this gif)

Phase 3 has definitely done a better job with this of course, Michael Giacchino’s work on Spider-man is solid, Alan Silvestri’s return to Avengers especially the “Portals” scene is epic as hell and again Goransson’s score is part of the reason we knew exactly what was coming next when Cap said “I know somewhere” before we even saw an image of Wakanda. But Phase 4, in my opinion, needs to make this more important as we introduce new characters.

Music has a way of echoing memories and ideas that we’ll immediately associate with an event or in this case a character and with the MCU heading into uncharted territory with what’s looks like even more unique characters, adding memorable music will help audiences identify with them. A catchy tune can go a long way to making a good scene greater just ask the binary sunset in “A New Hope” and it can make a character truly standout.

Imagine the next Avenger’s films if you will as all these new heroes come together on screen all their theme music coming together to culminate in one epic version of the Avengers suite. It will be glorious if done right and the MCU needs to make this happen with inventive composers and film scores in Phase 4.

 Save the X-Men for Phase 5

I know with the Fox deal and the whimpering flameout of “Dark Phoenix” fans are clamoring to see what Disney and Marvel Studios can do to bring in everyone’s favorite team of mutants but I say “hold up.”

As much as I would love to see a (hopefully) more faithful rendition of the X-Men I think we need a breather from Professor X, Cyclops, Beast and especially Wolverine. The X-Men franchise has been going on for over two decades and as much as we would all like to see these mutants get some much needed redemption after “Apocalypse” and “Dark Phoenix” I think general audiences need a breather. Yes, The MCU brought in Spider-man barely two years after the “Amazing” franchise which flamed out badly as well but Spider-man, even by its franchise standards, had a considerably smaller catalogue left behind when he made his debut in “Civil War.”

I think teasing the reappearance of the X-Men in Phase 4 is probably fine. Maybe dropping clues on the existence of mutants, maybe mentioning an alternate universe they come from because chances are their backstory will be retconned but either way the X-Men should be left on the backburner for Phase 4. 

(Deadpool though? Keep’em coming.)

Make Phase 5 all about the emergence of mutants, build them up as a great new team for the MCU and perhaps even pit them against the Avengers down the road. Either way, let the X-Men have a break for now. They need it after what Fox did to them.

 Bring in Diverse New Heroes

Oh, here comes that dreaded word that makes the slimiest denizens of the internet overreact and proclaim they’re not the “oversensitive” ones (in all CAPs of course).

The MCU had its fun with its main cast of primarily white Marvel staples over the past decade and if they’re going to show that they have new ideas and new stories to tell it should begin by bringing in browner heroes.

“Black Panther” was largely a breath of fresh air for the franchise because it told a very personal and relatable story to the society we live, primarily on the struggles of being a minority. The story wasn’t a simple good vs evil tale or nonspecific theme about family and love but of something deeply wrong in the world and it’s the reason it resonated as much it did.

The MCU is already making way for its first Asian American hero in Shang Chi, which is a good start but it shouldn’t end there either. Diverse heroes should be its next flagship for the new era of the MCU. Bring in Amadeus Cho, Ms. Marvel, and hell start teasing Miles Morales.

(And don’t give me that bullshit that black Spider-man can’t appeal to mass audiences...)

I can already hear the idiots shouting at the screen right now about “white erasure” or some other bull shit about reverse racism and/or forced diversity. First of all, these people would bitch about diversity no matter what way it was brought in. If a hero is turned from white to brown it’s “Why can’t they bring in a new brown hero?” If they bring in a new brown hero it’s “Why are they bringing in a new brown hero? No one cares.” And if people do care it’s “Forced diversity.” All I have to say to you people is you keep shifting around the goal posts so much to the point that it makes me wonder what you are actually angry about?

The MCU needs brand new blood and given that it again made a talking Raccoon a fan favorite there’s nothing that tells me this is a bad time to bring in more brown heroes from Marvel’s lesser known catalog. It isn’t that I or even other minority fans hate white heroes (I wrote an entire article on how much I love the MCU’s Captain America afterall) but for the sake of showing that these diverse heroes matter and giving them a chance to shine on the big screen this is needed. It wasn’t long ago that barely anybody knew who Black Panther was, now you have folks throwing up “Wakanda Forever” signs on their Instagram and social media and reading his graphic novels. So, open your mind up a bit and stop being a child about “forced diversity.” Thor was still epic as hell when he brought down Storm Breaker in “Infinity War,” Captain America still inspires patriotism in even the most cynical of souls and Iron Man saved the universe with a snap of his fingers. Your white heroes (and fragility) stories will survive a little spice in this franchise.

 How the MCU truly proceeds from here will be interesting. There are already projects in motion of course and fans should probably be excited for it regardless of what I have written here but I do truly hope a lot of these happen in Phase 4. Marvel needs better more consistent villains going forward, the cosmic side of the comics deserves more exploration, better soundtracks will make these movies better, the X-Men need a break, and after 23 movies we could stand add a few more brown people to the mix. 

Hopefully The Mouse is listening…

“Huhah! I own all future box office revenue regardless anyways, you peasants. Huhah!”

[windforge]

Got inspired by a discussion in Discord and wanted to put together some lists of my favorite festival skins/skincents/accents! Skins are up first, obviously. Please note that my personal bias and aesthetic factor into these, obviously, and there were lots of entries I wanted to feature but couldn’t since I stuck to one per flight.

Rambling commentary under the cut!

Glacial | Galli, Icebreaker’s 2014

Even though “dragon made of ice” is a pretty common thread for Icebreakers entries, I love that this one is a little creative and different. And better was that it came before what I would consider the Bean Renaissance, which was when people began to realize just how lovely snappers are and really appreciate them.

Moon Glitter | Houseteeth, Trickmurk 2018

The odds of me not featuring one of Des’s skins here were lower than the chances of WC scrolls staying cycled in for more than two days at a time. I love all their entries, and as their friend it’s been really neat to watch their skill and style develop over the last few years. I know exactly how much work they put into this one, just like they detail all their works, and even though Shadow aesthetic is a hard one for me to get into, this one just looks too damn stellar.

Crescendo Phantom | Cao, Mistral 2015

Oh this festival was tough. So much beautiful windy stuff to choose from! But I kept coming back to this one, it’s always felt like one of the more unique wind skins we’ve gotten. Yeah, I’m completely biased because y’all know my thing with windy swirls, but I also really dig anything that plays up the spooky side of Wind lore.

Seashore | Shrimp, Wavecrest 2014

Mmmm the handpainted waves and scales are just to die for on this one. I’m not that much of an artist but I know that painting realistic water is a bitch and a half. It’s also just a lovely combination of actual water and beach feeling with fishyness, and honestly that’s all my favorite things about Water together.

Are You Glade | Oxygene, Greenskeeper 2015

This is one of those skins that just thrills me with its creativity. The “landscape” works with the shape of the dragon itself, and it all looks realistic but also stylized at the same time. Plus it’s got a pun name, which is just double bonus points from me.

Freckled Dawn | Vulture, Brightshine 2013

Yep, it’s ya boy, the OG festival skin*. This pick is absolutely based in sentiment, since I owned a copy of this back in the day when I was an acolight. Every now and then I still regret selling my copy, but so it goes. There’s just something about the way the colors are balanced, along with the details, it almost seems like it’s a dragon that’s fading into the sky. I think this skin single-handedly made me fall in love with lady guardians.

Thunderborn | Grif, Thundercrack 2013

I’m not just picking all the vintage skins, I swear! And it’s not entirely because I have fond memories of it because I was able to flip a couple copies back in the Olden Times, which helped me get my Light Sprite and Sunchaser’s. It also just happens to be one of, in my opinion, the best executions of “dragon made of lightning.” She looks like she could be either alive, or shaped from energy entirely...or both?

Molten Duchess | Cockatrice, Flameforger’s 2016

Here’s another slightly biased one, since I’ve followed this artist’s work for a long time, before I was even on FR, and I was so happy they finally got a well-deserved win. Not only does it appeal to my aesthetic, but it even manages to mix in some scaley textures (for maximum Salamander flavor) along with really well painted lava. I can say from experience** that real life lava doesn’t look exactly like that, but trust me, no one wants to be remotely close to that kind of lava so the stylized version is infinitely better. And won’t kill you. Probably.

Almagest | Aralas, Starfall 2016

Fun fact, this was one of the first bogsnek skins ever made, and definitely the first bogsnog festival skin. I have such a soft spot for Aralas’s work, they pull off ‘shiny’ so well without it looking like plastic. Also, the way the female bog pose looks kind of like she’s staring off proudly into the distance is just a general space exploration mood, but is giving me feels about Oppy...

Embryon | Kryptographer, Riot of Rot 2014

Controversial opinion ahead: I don’t like a lot of the Plague skins that win every year. I’m not someone who’s particularly squicked by gore or anything, although I do have a strong dislike of the boil-y/pustule-y stuff. It just mostly feel like they suffer the most from being the same skins every year. I know that most of this is the staff refusing to first, acknowledge their own damn lore that they made; second, set some clear guidelines about what is and isn’t acceptable content; and third, accept that mild gore and disease/suffering isn’t remotely the darkest stuff you’ll find in a PG-13 setting.

Sorry I got a bit off track there. The point is though that I really get drawn to Riot skins that don’t just focus on nasty mutations. Sure, this dragon doesn’t look remotely healthy, but it’s done in a nicely subtle way. Also, just...damn I miss Kryptographer’s art.

Turquoise Veins | Decay, Rockbreaker’s 2013

I SOLD MY COPY OF THIS SKIN BACK IN THE DAY FOR LIKE 150KT AND I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED A DECISION MORE. Stupid thing is so rare nowadays, ugh. And especially now that I’ve got a whole American Southwest desert faction going on now. Y’all should know by now that I’m an absolute sucker for turquoise, especially the Good Shit like he’s made of. He’d make several thousand dollars’ worth of high-end Navajo jewelry, which is honestly the second best thing to do with a giant stone dragon. The first best thing to do is put it in my house so I can devour it with my eyes every day for the rest of my life. 

[frasier-crane-style]

So Spider-Man: Homecoming strikes me as largely a... ummmm... unholy aberration? In that it’s a comic book adaptation that largely isn’t based on the comic book, it’s based on John Hughes movies from the eighties. And then at the same time, it’s modernized and updated and diversified because it can’t be old and outdated like the Dikto comics (although Ultimate Spider-Man was largely the same), but then all that modernization and updating is based on... the eighties.

1. Diversity

I suppose we might as well start with the elephant in the room. In the lead-up to Homecoming being released, there were a ton of articles backpatting Marvel (or backpatting themselves, rather) over how much of the cast was non-white. Not that you’d know it from looking at the poster, of course.

I just have problems. One, the diversity itself. I see it as mainly Marvel trying to placate the fans who wanted Miles Morales, a little like a dad who forgot his kid’s birthday so at the gas station he got a Sandlot DVD or whatever. “No, you’re not Spider-Man, but you CAN be... Ned Leeds! Don’t ya wanna be Ned Leeds, negroes?” Like, does that really matter that much? Are there black people dancing in the streets because Liz Allan is biracial? Is it really that big a deal that Spider-Man’s sidekicks and/or love interests are minorities, when that was also the case in Captain America, Iron Man, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man, etc. And all of them did it without this racebending that was apparently so necessary. 

It also bugs me that Marvel justifies it by going “well, we’re just reflecting the real world diversity in New York! hashtag stay woke!” Yeah, they’re just reflecting the real world. Like in Captain America, when they reflected the reality of the segregated army of the 1940s.

Or how they reflected that all of the Norse gods were, y’know, kinda Norse.

It’s not that it’s such a bad argument, it’s just that I see it argued in bad faith a lot. When it suits their needs, people on the Left argue “hey, it’s realistic, you have to do X!” (see the Dunkirk “controversy”) Then when it doesn’t suit their needs, they argue “hey, there are dragons or aliens or whatever, it doesn’t need to be realistic! We can say that in 1966, the US army was all lesbian schoolgirls! Who cares?”

Just pick a position and stick to it. Also, maybe that diversity should carry over to the bad guys as well. Remember the head of a Middle Eastern terrorist organization, according to Marvel?

Or the head of a Far East cult?

Anyway, all this limp-wristed apologizing for Peter Parker being Spider-Man instead of Miles Morales comes off as especially galling when he’s getting his own movie. No other legacy character is getting that good a deal. There aren’t two Batman movies coming out, one with Dick Grayson and one with Bruce Wayne. And yet, Peter Parker’s movie still has to suffer and even incorporate a bunch of Miles Morales’s canon for no real reason. If you’re going to make a Peter Parker movie, make a Peter Parker movie, not this half-assed “oh, it’s Peter, but don’t worry, Miles is on his way, sorry, sorry, sorry!”

2. Flash

I don’t buy the Flash Thompson update at all. Like, is that really how bullying works now? The popular, cool nerd picking on the unpopular, lame nerd? It’s like, they’re both on the academic decathlon team. Flash is picking on Peter because he’s a better mathlete than him. Imagine Flash Thompson as a football player, and Peter is another football player who’s better at it than him, and somehow Flash is at the top of the social hierarchy and Peter’s at the bottom. Does that make any sense?

Of course, if they were really going to update Peter’s bullying, it would seem like they would at least mention cyberbullying, instead of just making Peter’s ‘tormentor’ a guy who makes passive-aggressive comments that Peter doesn’t even seem to notice. I feel like the irony of Peter being far stronger than Flash, but obviously unable to haul off and sock him one, plus the irony of Flash being a fan of Spider-Man but disliking Peter, is way stronger than whatever they’re trying to accomplish by giving him an ‘intellectual rival.’

Also, is making Peter’s nemesis a rich prick really that much more original than his nemesis being a jerk jock? REALLY?

3. MJ

I would argue their rendition of ‘MJ’ is way less faithful than the outright loathed Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Wolverine, you get at least a couple of scenes where Ryan Reynolds is playing Wade Wilson, he’s making jokes, he has two katanas... he turns into an abomination, but he spends several scenes not as an abomination.

Michelle... they adapted a famously dancing party girl and all they had her talk about was how she hates parties. She’s literally the exact opposite of Mary Jane. Even the watered down MJs in the Raimi movies, Ultimate comics, and SMLMJ were still popular, positive characters. 

Michelle, again, exact opposite. I have no idea why people are cool with this except that either they’re fetishizing, like, any black people at all--Chris Tucker could come in and scream “HELP ME, SPIDER-MAN, I GOT THESE CRIMINALS ALL OVER ME!” and they’d go yay, representation matters--or they hate Mary Jane in the first place and wouldn’t care if Marvel turned her into Norman Osborn’s chief assassin and baby-killer.

In which case, it seems you should complain a little just on principle. Isn’t any character entitled to a little better treatment than this? Especially a famous female character that has a lot of fans who she means something to? If you’re going to make this character a socially awkward nerd, why not at least name her after Gwen Stacy or Debra Whitman, who are at least something like that in canon? Even if you’re just a Gwen Stacy fan, do you want the waters muddied so that now a (nominally) completely different character has traits adopted from your fave? Do you like it when female characters are treated as completely interchangeable?

4. Ned

The last of the new kids/updates/whatever the fuck is Ned, and fuck him. Fuck him in his stupid Ganke face yes I said it. I guess we’re going to ignore the hypocrisy of Ganke being the most faithfully adapted character in a Spider-Man movie, but Marvel casting an actor of a different ethnicity, so they give the character the name of another character of yet another ethnicity to cover, because everything is stupid and sucks all the time now.

BUT ANYWAY, all this just so Peter can have “a guy on a computer”? He already has Karen, which is enough of a fucking departure already, and the movie even points out how cliched a guy on a computer is! Smallville did it, Birds of Prey did it, Arrow does it, The Flash does it, Supergirl does it--does Spider-Man really have to crib notes from those fucking pikers?

The bigger problem, though, is this.

5. Secret identity

I understand Marvel deciding Peter can’t just have an internal monologue, they need to give him a character to talk to so the audience can know how he’s feeling. The Amazing Spider-Mans did that with Gwen and, at least theoretically, I’m fine with that.

My issue is that Marvel took Peter, one of their most introverted and neurotic characters, and let his entire supporting cast know he’s Spider-Man!

Seriously. Let’s check who in the cast knows he’s Spider-Man by the end of the movie.

1. Ganke/Ned

2. Tony Stark

3. Happy Hogan

4. (presumably) Pepper Potts

5. Michelle suspects/could know (so should that be half?)

5.5. Aunt May

6. The Vulture

7. Karen

So... essentially everyone but fucking Flash. One or two of these would be fine, but he can fucking take everyone who knows out to a buffet and have a roundtable discussion on what to do about the Scorpion. What about him being a loner? What’s the point of a secret identity if everyone who matters knows? What about him having to figure stuff out on his own? 

6. Rich uncle

So let me ask you something. Aunt May gets really sick--in fact, her being chronically ill would be a good way to replicate the comics’ elderly May instead of May being the bread-winner in a family that seems comfortably middle class, cough cough--what does Peter do? Does he go to the Daily Bugle and beg Jameson for an assignment? Is he tempted to rob a bank or just take some money from a crook he’s busted? How does he pay for this?

Well, in this canon, obviously he just asks Tony to write him a check.

It’s so odd, because you’d think the idea of Peter Parker as being financially unstable and constantly struggling with money troubles would be more relevant than ever these days. Yet, by making him Tony’s fucking surrogate motherfucking son, that aspect is totally neutered. Why does this Peter need to work at the Bugle at all? Why should he do anything except ask Stark--the guy who buys masterpieces he’s never even heard of on a lark--for money and then goof off?

In the comics, at least initially, Peter is constantly being Spider-Man not only to fight injustice, but also because the photographs he takes of himself fighting supervillains is the only way he has to make a living and support his aunt. Homecoming, May can support herself, he has Tony as the world’s biggest safety net, so the Spider-Man thing seems less a responsibility and more like a fun hobby he does for shits and giggles.

I’m not saying Spider-Man should be Batman, angsting and brooding over being a superhero, but shouldn’t there be some mixed feelings and conflict over it? 

And, for a character who iconically has to repair his own costume with a sewing kit, does it not seem really inappropriate for him to now be wearing a Harrier jet? They try to adapt the part in Civil War where he rejects the Iron Spider suit, but since the Iron Spider suit is here the classic costume we all want to see him in, now he rejects an even more advanced powered armor suit, while keeping the still very advanced powered armor suit that is somehow supposed to be down-home and authentic.

(I guess no one pointed out that the entire Tony-Peter relationship throughout Civil War ended with Peter realizing what an anus Tony was and rejecting him.)

6a. Rich spotlight-stealing uncle

By the way, this totally takes the emphasis off Peter as a genius in his own right (which is, remember, the reason he’s supposed to have this deep bond with Tony in the first place). Who cares if Peter invented webbing and webshooters if that’s only 1% of what his suit can do and everything else is this stupendous stuff Tony Stark came up with? You might as well go whole-hog and say that Peter was just doing parkour before and Tony invented everything. Peter isn’t even the one to hack into his own suit, he needs Gankned for that. 

7. Rich SUPERHERO uncle

Also, we’ve established that this Spider-Man isn’t qualified to fight supervillains and is expected to call for back-up whenever he runs into one, unless he’s just stupidly prideful (which is, y’know, irresponsible--not very Spidery). For the plot to work, thus we get this dumb conflict where Tony and Hogan apparently ignore Peter’s ass, only for them to ‘heartwarmingly’ reveal that they really have listened and paid attention to his missives. They just, you know, never actually tell him that or really anything (doesn’t Tony seem like the kind of guy who would at least text Peter? Probably a lot? He seems to love hanging out with the Avengers and chatting about superhero stuff otherwise...)

I know Tony is supposed to be that stupid, even after ten movies where the theme is “Tony learns not to be that stupid,” but does that really sound like something Hogan and especially Pepper would go along with?

It’s contrived enough in the first place that we’d end up in a situation where Peter is trying to call Iron Man in on this supervillain hoedown going on right now, but they won’t take his calls, so what happens in the sequel? Peter runs into the Lizard, he calls the Avengers, they say “sorry, kid--we’re all busy”? I’m not ungenerous, I’ll accept that in most solo movies, Thor or Captain America won’t call in the cavalry, but with Spider-Man, isn’t it just child endangerment to say “yeah, we know we’re supposed to help you, but it’s your solo movie, we’re not springing for ScarJo and Hulk’s FX team, we’re already giving Sony fifty percent”?

Maybe when they were ripping off Supergirl’s ‘guy at the computer,’ they should’ve realized how bad it looks when Superman is out there somewhere protecting the world, but won’t help out Supergirl no matter how bad it gets, because either she or he is an idiot.

8. The Vulture

I guess everyone likes the idea of a sympathetic, Walter White Marvel supervillain they didn’t notice the movie doesn’t actually do that? In the very first scene (before the studio logos, even!), he seems like a decent enough guy, but one time-skip later and he’s the Vulture, without seeming the least bit conflicted or remorseful about his actions. (We also immediately see him in costume, and it seems like they should’ve saved that until his first attack on Spider-Man.)

He talks a good game about how oppressed he is, but really, he seems to just do typical supervillain shit like killing his underlings for failing him, only then he literally says “whoops, I meant to use the NOT killing him raygun!” Ambiguity! Who gives a shit?

I, too, like the idea of a supervillain who starts off maybe not that bad and then becomes more desperate and dangerous as Spidey closes in on him, but really, Vulture is just another supervillain with a doomsday plan, only it takes him until the end for him to finally say “yeah, let’s go ahead with the doomsday plan!”

9. There is going to be Iron Man in your Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up movie, right?

I know a lot of people were worried about Iron Man dominating what is, after all, a Spider-Man movie, but I feel somewhat the opposite. If you’re going to have trailers ending in big money shots of Spider-Man and Iron Man running around side by side (shots that weren’t ever in the movie but were filmed just for the trailer) and posters with giant Iron Man front and center.

(This is actually three posters joined together and it’s depicting a scene that doesn’t even happen a little!)

It kinda seems like Iron Man should be important to the plot. Like Black Widow in Winter Soldier. That was a Captain America movie, clearly, but Widow had a big part to play. Homecoming, it seems more like Tony Stark cameos, only that makes it into all the trailers and posters. Why is there not a scene of Spider-Man and Iron Man fighting together? Or even of the Vulture hacking Iron Man and forcing him to fight Spider-Man? Or some development of this Vulture/Iron Man feud that’s alluded to, but then pretty much has nothing to do with anything (tell me, how would the movie be different if, say, Danny Rand had founded Damage Control instead of Stark?).

I’m just saying, if we’re going to have this character in the movie at all, why not use him to the fullest, or somewhere near the fullest? Kinda seems like the most important thing Tony does in this is get back together with Pepper so we can tie up that dangling plot thread from Civil War. 

10. The Shocker

Okay, I know this is pedantic, but it bugs me. So they have the Shocker in this as Vulture’s henchman. That’s fine--Shocker was never going to be anything other than the Scarecrow to other people’s Ra’s al Ghul. But why did they have to handle him in such an awkward way?

First, what happened to his costume? I remember there were behind-the-scenes pictures of it that looked perfectly serviceable.

Even the old video games did a ‘grounded, realistic’ take that looked halfway decent.

The toy looked fine too.

Then in the actual movie...

Oh... he’s that guy with the yellow sleeves holding a laser gun. Wait, two guys. Great.

Fucking Whiplash is dressed to the nines in comparison. What happened?

Then there’s this sequence of events. So in the movie, the OG Shocker is Montana Bryce, played by Logan Marshall-Green. (He really has nothing to do with the Shocker except in Spectacular Spider-Man, where it made sense because the Enforcers were already established characters, so they basically handed the character the tech and said presto, the Shocker.)

(Hence my theory that they’re not so much are adapting the comics than they are the comics’ Wikipedia pages. Well, that and fucking John Hughes movies, because instead of the covers or iconic panels, that’s what they pay homage to.)

Anyway, he fails Vulture, Vulture says “you’ve failed me for the last time” and kills him, then says that Herman Schultz (Shocker I in the comics) is now the Shocker. Herman Schultz--which sounds like something a black teenager would get on his fake ID in a Wayans Bros movie--is played by Bokeem Woodbine, who also seems way too intimidating and competent for the character.

But I guess he’s the official Shocker now and the whole Montana thing was just to show how ruthless the Vulture, except that they walked it back because he’s really sympathetic and honorable, except, except...

I can understand wanting a black supervillain for their Sinister Six movie and it would actually be fitting to the canonical, hard-luck Herman Schultz to end up being killed off and replaced by a more capable character. Y’know, unlike the time von Strucker got defeated in the opening scene then killed off-screen.

The point is, if they’d just switched it so that Logan Marshall-Green (or a more comedic actor) was playing Herman Schultz and Bokeem Woodbine was playing, I don’t know, John Cena/Shocker II, it would fit a hundred times better. But they just didn’t care. 

11. “My friends call me MJ” is stupid and I hate it and I hate you

I shouldn’t have to explain that making a character the exact opposite of any shred of prior characterization she’s had, then ‘revealing’ she really is the character she’s purposely been given no resemblance to is stupid Mystery Box bullshit. It’s like if the next Star Trek movie had a character named “the Sarge” with round ears who constantly guzzled beer and got emotional and said that logic sucked, then at the end, he said “well, my real name is Spock” and then the producer had to go online to say that he’s not the Spock but he is a Spock and him having pointed ears is something only racists care about and anyway he’s a new take on the character, get off our backs!

It’s not even a twist! It’s just giving the audience incorrect information, then declaring that incorrect information is suddenly correct.

But okay! I guess nothing means anything anymore and life is pointless. So let’s say that you have an audience who has never read a Spider-Man comic in their lives. (We’ll call them the target audience.) In fact, they’ve never even heard of Spider-Man. Not Green Goblin, not Doctor Octopus. They didn’t see the Sam Raimi movies or the Marc Webb movies or any of the cartoons. As far as they’re concerned, Spider-Man didn’t exist before he showed up in Civil War (which was very confusing for them, because they didn’t explain his powers or his origin or why he was living with his hot aunt instead of his parents or anything at all).

But this audience watches the movie Spider-Man: Homecoming and takes this character Michelle at face value. At the end, she says “My friends call me MJ.”

Well... so what? That doesn’t change anything for the audience. It doesn’t affect the plot. It’s the equivalent of having Verbal Kint, at the end of The Usual Suspects, reveal that he has a limp and a canker sore. 

Of course we, the prospective audience, do know that Michelle is Peter’s love interest, because she was the top-billed female lead and did all the press with Tom Holland and is the only woman who’s not a Parker family member on the poster. Oh, and because MJ is historically a big Peter Parker love interest. Except we literally don’t know or care anything about her personality or appearance or backstory or relationships with different characters other than that. But for the audience member who knows nothing else about MJ except that she fucks Peter Parker, this is a big deal. Unless in the sequel, they decide not to have her as the love interest after all.

Are you getting my point here? It’s not even a good twist. A good twist would be if the Liz Allan character were referred to as MJ, then at the end it was revealed that it stood for Marion Juliet or whatever, and that she had never been Mary Jane. Or if Zendeya (why doesn’t she have a fucking last name? You’re 20, no 20-year-old has ever been iconic, get over yourself, you’re not goddamn Cher) had said “my friends call me Harriet Osborn,” that at least would’ve been something definitive, because we would’ve known Norman is coming and he’s related to this girl.

But just... this bitch may or may not be their take on Mary Jane and she may or may not get with Peter and that may or may not come to anything... who the hell cares? It’s like a negative twist. Everyone saw it coming and it makes the story less interesting now that it’s been revealed. It’s like if the first episode of How I Met Your Mother ended with Saget saying “oh, I end up with Robin, spoiler alert.” Okay, why are we watching the fucking show now? Either you lied and that information is even more pointless than it already is or you’re going to fuck Cobie Smolders and the whole thing is a foregone conclusion. 

12. Lights! Camera! Action?

The action scenes are all short and unsatisfying, especially given that they’re using the Vulture, yet their prequeletic decision not to let Spider-Man actually web-swing (because he hasn’t earned it yet, dontchaknow) means that they don’t let them have any real memorable aerial duels. I guess so much for the entire reason to use that character.

They have all the ingredients for it to work--numerous henchmen armed with high-tech weaponry, an inexperienced (and borderline incompetent) Spider-Man, yet he pretty much just steam-rolls through everyone by virtue of his Amazing Technicolor Spidey-Suit. It makes you think that’s all that’s keeping him from being completely invulnerable is his own ineptitude and failure to properly utilize his suit. 

It’s like they knew they couldn’t pull off a better action scene than the train sequence in Spider-Man 2, so instead of at least trying to do so--like taking advantage of modern technology to give us a big Vulture fight among the skyscrapers, or giving us the Iron Man/Spider-Man team-up that was the whole point of this movie--they just turned the action scenes into open mic night. Oh, look, Spider-Man’s getting hit with golf balls! And he’s recreating Ferris Bueller jumping on a trampoline from 31-year-old movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, all very relevant and modern and updated and today’s youth! Hey, audience, we’re not taking this seriously, so why should you? Just give it a soft pass, c’mon, dontcha like Spider-Man?

I just think that, when you have this smug “we’re going to do it RIGHT” attitude of naming your movie ‘Homecoming’ and (deservedly) throwing the ASM movies under the bus, aren’t you obliged to actually follow through and do Spider-Man right instead of this bastardized hybrid of John Hughes, white Miles Morales, teen movie cliches, political correctness, Tony Stark branding, and all this other crap that has jack all to do with Peter Parker? Because they had the perfect opportunity, with the decoy Liz Allan love interest and setting multiple movies in high school, to actually do a very faithful adaptation of the comics, of Spider-Man’s supporting cast... even just having Mary Jane cameo in a few scenes, being this quipping fun-lover but not yet a love interest, would’ve done so much to make this feel like Spider-Man instead of an Iron Man spin-off. Which is what it is.

[pingou7]

A car, two cops and a stardust — a RebelCaptain road trip fic

by @pingou7 pingou  for @thestarbirdfromtheashes Starbird

(aka the Road trip fic Diego Luna’s filmography made me write)

Read and enjoy, and please consider leaving me a few words.

Summary:

As the dusty roads criss under Kes Dameron’s old car, Cassian Andor lets the wind mess with his hair through the open window. Dust, sunshine, laughter, its easy to recapture the taste of days long gone.

(…)

At a gas station near Corpus Chirsti, when they climb back after taking a piss, both jump out of their skins as a random brunette, eyes thunderous, hisses dangerously from the backseat:

"Just pretend I'm not here."

UPDATE: Part 2 is up! Read on AO3 (or under the cut)

Part 2 — From Texas to Las Cruces, NM. Day 1

“So you're going to Mexico?” Jyn frowns, “But you still plan to drive all the way to San Diego? Doesn't that make a good detour?”

“Yep, more than three thousands miles in all, and around forty eight hours of driving, with only four or five stops in between. We're pretty stubborn like that.”

It's obvious she tries to envision the travel ahead, but it's true that from an outsider’s point of view, the trip in itself doesn't make much sense. If she's to stay with them, then, there's no harm in sharing little bits of information. Seeing Kes is focused on his driving and not inclined to volunteer — for once —  Cassian cranks his neck to look at her, preparing to be as concise as possible:

“You're obviously allowed to drop out whenever you wish, Jyn. We promised to turn up to San Diego, to visit an old aunt before our usual stay at Bernal in the state of Querétaro. We were born there, so we usually spend a few days, enjoying the sights, the food, visit the cemetery or attend mass... that sort of thing.”

“Are you religious?” she asks, playing with some kind of rough crystal around her neck.

"Not really,” Kes answers because Cassian never really knows what to say, “we're doing stuff out of habit I guess. One time, we rolled over a vulture so Cassian buried it and I lit a candle. Wished it a better journey to the afterlife. My wife gave us shit about it, but the woman who raised us was really... spiritual and set in her ways."

“You're not related though?”

“No,” Cassian says tersely, wanting them to drop the subject, because yes, not only is he chivalrous, paranoid and superstitious, but he's also not ready to expose his nonexistent family history.

“I understand. Biologically I'm an only child, but Bodhi is my brother.”

Not her boyfriend then, though the information shouldn't make any difference to him. She doesn't elaborate on her life, and Cassian doesn't feel like prying — not right away, that is — but he  still plans to involve Kay if she stays mysterious. Kes turns off the radio completely, which doesn't bode well for her: with a driving session of more than ten hours ahead, it means that he expects his passengers to fill the silence… finally Andor would gladly take back his questionable love songs.

“So, Jyn. Mind if we chat a bit? If we are to spend the next two days together — at least — then we have to cover the basics.”

Smooth, Dameron, Cassian mouths drily, and Kes offers him an half-smile in return. Jyn isn't fooled either and her breath is close enough to reach Cassian's neck somehow, as she bends forward in the middle:

“Do we now, officer?” her wry accent — British, he surmises — bringing Kay to mind, but the tone is far too playful to be his.

“It's Sergeant Kes Dameron and Captain Cassian Andor, actually.”

“I thought you were on vacation though, and I'm in no mood for an interrogation.”

“C’mon, it's not as bad as that. We're road tripping so, let's just say we're gonna play a good old game of twenty questions, to get to know each other.”

“Your car, your rules, but I can refuse to answer whenever I wish.”

She throws a hard bargain, but it's better than nothing, so Cassian concedes:

“That's fair, but no lying.”

“Okay, shoot.”

“What did you want to do when you were a kid?”

If she'd expected to identify herself right away, she’s mistaken. Even on the fly, they're good at their job, especially Cassian, and eventually they will succeed at cracking her shell. For now they can have fun.

“I wanted to be an Astrophysicist,” she smiles — despite appearances, she's a brainy one then, and it's oddly specific for that not to be a clue. “You?”

“Kes wanted to be a singer, and I a dancer.”

“We would have been great as a two men band too, we even had a name: los Charolastras,” Dameron adds so wistfully she lets out a little chuckle. “My son is four, he wants to be a pilot.”

“My brother is one, he's the pilot,” she volunteers, like there's something funny about the words. “So, my turn, Charolastras, what food can't you stand?”

“Why? Do you plan on cooking us something as a thanks?”

“Or poison us and go on your merry way?”

“You really are paranoid, you know,” she mumbles, looking at Cassian with narrowed eyes through the mirror. “Just seemed a harmless question to me. Mine is mushrooms.”

“Avocado,” Cassian spits out while Kes sighs.

“Please don't get him started on his hate for avocados, Guacamole included, and yes, we're still Mexicans by birth. It borders on obsession. I don't have food I particularly dislike. Okay, Middle name.”

She doesn't answer instantly — too close, too soon then — but to their surprise, she says:

“I tend to change if I need to, but since you know my name is Jyn, I'll just say I'm biologically named after my mother and leave it as that.”

Well, she's not avoiding the question and likely not lying either, so Kes smiles appreciatively as he answers:

“Mine is Rodrigo and Cassian's is Jerón. Your turn, cabrón.”

“What's your nickname?”

“I don't have one these days. My friends call me little sister, my guardian used to call me child, when he felt particularly warm, but… my parents, they called me Stardust.”

There's a mine of information here, from the order she gave to the way she phrased it and even the nickname themselves. Cassian commits it all to memory before he replies:

“I hate being called Cass, so naturally Kes and his wife call me that frequently.”

“When we were boys, in Bernal, some called you rudo, while I was cursí, remember? Hated that. Cass and Kes-adillas sounds better.”

It's absurd, but it makes everyone snigger. The question game keeps the conversation flowing, she's sassy and overall drier than Shara, and despite the situation, they are relatively clicking together, or at least they make the most of it. The drive towards San Diego is surprisingly going well, as the sun goes slowly down while they're crossing the whole of Texas.

Of course they are suspicious, but they can't force her to spill the beans or she’s sure to bolt at the nearest occasion. Cassian has taken on low-key texting Kay with the few pieces of information she'd shared — in case he could be more talkative than she is — between succinct updates to Shara on their progress.

As he gets tired, Kes is a little less easygoing though: he underestimated Jyn, he had not talked to his son since they left, and he worries about how they're gonna find things in San Diego. She seems to detect the tension slowly growing, perhaps because she's unsettled too, up to the point she admits Kes shouldn't make such a face, since she hasn't done anything truly reprehensible to them, so far:

“Technically, we could arrest you for trespassing and assault on two officers. But fate brought us together, so it will have to hold.”

“Great. I've already have too many things on my plate already. And for the record, I may have ‘popped up on your back seat’ but I have assaulted neither of you… yet.”

That gets a smile out of the guys, and Kes resumes on humming. Another quarter with the radio back on, and she dozes until they reach Las Cruces in New Mexico around 2AM. By then they are sore and Kes keeps grumbling about his burning eyes and the fact that Shara has most likely been asleep for ages along with Poe. Cassian, for one, is more than ready to take his place, because he keeps imagining who could chase her and her father. Kay said he wouldn't respond to any more texts of his as long as he has no further details to provide — not to mention he should respect his privacy, if not that of the fugitive.

After a quick stop at a drive-thru (Jyn keeps her head down and only takes a chocolate milkshake and a doughnut, that she pays cash) they switch places, Kes spreading himself in the back and closing his eyes.

Andor takes the wheel, almost feeling young again, adjusting the rear view mirror with the tiny dream catcher, a souvenir from almost another lifetime. Only there's a woman in the passenger seat, and up close, he can almost see her vibrate with tension, her eyes clearly betraying how on edge she still is. He knows she's into rock, while he's more a folk person — curtesy of the game — so he wants to let her chose the station. More than gallantry, he counts on the soothing effects of a music that's not as atrocious as Dameron’s playlist. She politely declines, almost demurely, and while she stares at his cell phone a bit too long, she refuses it also.

“Bodhi needs his sleep and I should stick to a minimum of contact, Captain.”

“It tempts you though, if you want, you can borrow Dameron’s phone this time, if it secures you.”

“I have two cops basically escorting me, for all intents and purposes, so I’m more secure right now than I’ve been since I was a child. It’s him I worry about. But it’s nice of you to offer, the phone and letting me tag along. I appreciate it more than you know.”

“Then I wouldn’t mind knowing exactly why you’re so appreciative.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Jyn smiles, but there’s no amusement behind it, “the thing is... it’s bigger than two cops and a crappy car can protect me from.”

Cassian frowns at her certainty, but doesn’t insist. Perhaps she’s right, and if not, he and Kes could persuade her, eventually. There’s still time (he doesn’t need a GPS app to know they are approximately again 10 hours away from their Californian check point) before whatever will happen next.

Once in San Diego, maybe Jyn will disappear as suddenly as she first appeared. Maybe once Kes and him will have seen Tía, it won’t matter anyway. Maybe Shara will forever regret she did not accompany them. Either way, the answer awaits on the other side of the country, so he drives on the I-8 and hopes for the best. An inner voice that sounds a lot like Kay’s pops up likely but unpleasant scenarios at each road sign though. Kes being out for the foreseeable future means that he cannot balance his tendency to overthink things.

The city lights dance on her face every time he steals a glance at her. But, judging on her faraway yet awake demeanor, he’s not the only one silently berating himself. Nobody turned on the radio but the silence is awfully loud in the car. He knows Kes is sleeping but he doesn’t snore — Shara is pretty lucky, he guesses — yet Cassian wouldn’t mind to have some other sound besides the motor. It could be a subject of mockery, if nothing else, perhaps some more goofing, even at Kes’s expense, would ease her mind, and his in turn.

She musts be exhausted — who knows what she was doing and where was she coming from before he insisted on picking her up? — but her posture stays rigid even as her head starts to droop repeatedly.

“Jyn, you can sleep a bit, I’m the king of driving by night, you’re safe, I promise.”

“I’m never safe,” she mumbles closing her eyes, “but just in case, wake me up before you get sleepy too. I’d hate to die like this.”

“Now, who’s paranoid?”

She can’t even muster a response, and he turns the radio on mellow songs, low enough so he wouldn’t wake anyone, but it’s better than listening to his own thoughts. Cassian likes driving at night, he doesn’t need much sleep anyway and the traffic is lessened, even on such frequented highway. Next to him, she jolts awake after some time though, frowning sleepily.

“What’s wrong?”

“‘m cold.”

With a multi pocketed but sleeveless vest and a mere camisole, he would be too. Then again, he gets cold relatively easily, so he replies:

“Look Jyn, turn around and take my jacket, the blue fur coated one. I don’t need it. The car heater is not good and I’m not sure it would be safe to use.”

“If you’re sure you won’t need it, thanks.”

“No problem.”

She puts it on stiffly, the brawl at the Texan gas station plus so many hours sitting in a car likely taking their toll on her. The back of her hand hits his briefly on the driving stick and it’s like a jolt of electricity again.

She sighs — maybe it’s not just one sided then, and she’s feeling too? — snuggle in a bit beside him, and he finds this kind of cute. Then he wants to slap himself at how infatuated this looks like, but her eyes are already beginning to flutter. She’s still struggling anyhow, not the type to surrender easily, until Cassian feels obliged to say:

“Don’t be stubborn, just lie down across the seat.”

“Aye Captain,” she grumbles making him smile.

[rate-out-of-10]

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING REVIEW

Since 2002 we’ve seen two actors take up the mantle that is Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield. Now, with the MCU’s continuously expanding universe and a partnership with Sony, a third joins the fray, Tom Holland. Spider-Man is one of the most recognizable icons in all of pop-culture, so when Spider-Man: Homecoming was announced and that Marvel Studios and Sony came to an agreement to allow Spider-Man to join the MCU, there was a lot of excitement. In addition, we got a wonderful taste of the new take on the web-slinger in Captain America: Civil War (2016), so a solo movie showcasing what this iteration was all about, naturally the hype was extremely high. And it really pays off in the end.

WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD

CHARACTERS/PERFORMANCES

It should be made known that this interpretation of Peter Parker is a younger kid than the past two live-action ones, specifically a 15 year old high school sophomore. Tom Holland is the youngest to play the role to date, and he fits it like a glove. Not only does he look the part being so young, but his whole demeanor and personality is immature, but in the best of ways. He’s quick-witted, and about as blown away as audiences are while he’s pulling off his super stunts. Tom Holland is a refreshing take on a character we all know, and have seen on the live-action screen twice before, and that’s great. He owns everything about Peter, the awkwardness, the genius, and the whimsy and outgoingness of Spider-Man. He’s perfect for the role. Alongside Tom Holland, he has his best friend character, Ned played by Jacob Batalon. Batalon plays the comedic role well enough, however I personally feel that there were too many bits of him just derailing scenes. He was funny, don’t get me wrong, however the film is filled with humor so to have a character that was there almost devoted as the comedic relief seemed a bit tried. His relationship to Peter, however, felt very genuine, so the constant gags he plays always feel in character. From a villain perspective, Michael Keaton’s Adrian Toomes (The Vulture) isn’t anything groundbreaking, but here he works very well with what the film is going for. He is realistic and felt mostly justified with what he was doing, however some jumps in motivation were a bit stark, which made Toomes feel a tad bit under developed. Nonetheless, Keaton plays him very well, with confidence and with just the right amount of broodiness that he didn’t feel at all like another cheesy, weak Marvel villain. On top of Adrian Toomes’ evil doing, I appreciated the humanistic approach to him and his team. When the world is now wracked with aliens and monsters, people of course will start to try and get ahead just to survive, but then to profit. It was a nice commentary on how humans react when they feel outgunned or up against a wall. A “force hand” to The Vulture’s character was very apparent.

Among the top stars in Homecoming, Robert Downey Jr., and Jon Favreau reprise their roles as Tony Stark and Happy Hogan respectively. I’m glad that this film didn’t try too hard to bank on Iron Man, he was a very welcome supporting character, an awkward mentor and a person that Peter thinks very highly of. I’ve missed Happy, not seeing him since Iron Man 3 (2013), and the same goes for Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts. These characters were all very welcome on screen. The other cast of characters including the rest of Peter’s classmates like Laura Harrier as Liz, Tony Revolori as Flash, and Zendaya as Michelle were all great to see. The diversity in the casting of the film is very commendable as well. It felt like a real diverse high school in a real city. It’s often seen as a little thing, but roles like these do carry a lot of weight and it’s very refreshing to see. On another beat, the younger take on Aunt May (played by Melissa Tomei) worked well with the younger take on Peter as well. She didn’t feel out of place, and honestly, I kind of preferred it. I did want to chime in on the MJ talks too. Zendaya plays a role named Michelle Jones, and at the end of the film she says “my friends call me MJ”, a clear emulation of the known character Mary-Jane, “MJ”, and Peter’s wife in the comics. There’s no real content in the film to say that she is the “new MJ” but regardless, she’s a different character entirely, as seen by how she carries herself here. The nickname is really the only place where the two characters cross. Regardless of future intent for the character, like her potentially becoming Peter’s love interest, she’s not Mary Jane. Her nickname of course pays homage to the “original MJ”, but that’s it. This is Marvel taking artistic liberties, with both diversifying its casting, as well as creating a unique, but still recognizable, universe for Spider-Man.

DIRECTION/WRITING

Director Jon Watts and his writing team had their work cut out for them, crafting a fresh take on the character of Spider-Man as well as blend him in with the established MCU. Skipping the original story completely was the absolute best decision for the film. Instead focusing on Peter’s dealings as Spider-Man, his desire of becoming an Avenger, and his really being a young, naïve kid. This is a grounded, small-scale approach to Spidey. He’s never in downtown Manhattan for example, he’s swinging from smaller building, and using what’s around him to get around. There’s even a bit of him swinging into a gold course where there nowhere to swing so he ends up just sprinting across the screen muttering, “This sucks”. The plotline as well is very small compared to the “world ending” stories that we’ve gotten used to seeing from Marvel at this point. It was refreshing to take a step back and focus on building Peter and Spider-Man, and establishing him, before anything else. The writing is very strong with Peter’s character. I will say though, that there were several bits throughout the film that had great dramatic potential, but were undercut by daft attempts at comedy. Spidey is always going to quipping, that’s a given, but here I felt like the writing was trying way too hard to add humor in not-needed places. I wanted to take things a tad bit more seriously, but I feel like I wasn’t allowed to.

As a storyline goes, it hits all the generic notes, but it relies a lot on Tom Holland’s character to do the heavily lifting. His character is meant to draw in viewers, and if done right, whatever Peter is doing, people should be invested in it. Like I said, it’s a small scale film, and it definitely plays on a lot of cheesy elements (typical high school, typical romance, the same Peter Parker troubles we’ve all seen before), however the film generally does a great job with allowing those things to work with the script and have it still feel exciting, rather than tried. Homecoming paced itself generally well, too. There were some parts that felt a little rushed, some of the high school sequences felt a bit lackluster as well. Almost like they were in there because they had to be, but they didn’t carry too much weight. What really moved the film along was Peter himself and whenever Spidey was on screen. There were some great fight sequences, the ferry scene being the most notable. Spidey was quick, quipping the whole time, and showcased some amazing talents. I very much enjoyed “Karen”, Spider-Man’s computer that Stark put in his suit. I loved seeing the high-tech suit, something we hadn’t seen before. There were some great action scenes throughout, the ferry scene being the most notable. It being the clear height of the film, where we get a real showdown between Spider-Man and Vulture, a great scene with Peter trying to keep the ship from breaking off, as well as Tony confiscating the Spider suit. The movie was in full swing by this time, and Peter’s transition back into his make-shift suit through the end of the film didn’t feel spoiled at all. Heading back to the roots was a nice direction to go in, especially to give a glimpse to what Spidey was before Tony’s suit.

I think Homecoming started in the best of ways. After being introduced to Adrian Toomes during the clean up after the “Battle of New York”, we get a first person, video footage perspective of Peter when he is first picked up by Tony in Civil War, to when he gets his new suit, as well as him filming while he’s waiting for his queue to swing in and take Cap’s shield. I thought that whole bit was extraordinarily clever and the best way to introduce Holland’s Peter into this movie. Separately, it isn’t abundantly clear when this film takes place. We do get an ”8 Years Later” stamps after we see Toomes cleaning up New York; we’re obviously somewhere in between Civil War, as Cap is cited as a war criminal now, and the events of Doctor Strange and the Earth bit of Guardians 2 isn’t mentioned at all. I also have to give a great commendation for Cap’s troll of a post-credits scene. After Gunn’s clever post-credits bombardment in Guardian’s 2, we get Cap doing a PSA announcement on “patience” and how it’s so important, even when faced with something so disappointing when you waited a long time to get to it. I see you, Marvel.

Final Rating: 8.5/10

I think Spider-Man: Homecoming is exactly where the MCU needed to go with Spider-Man. It didn’t waste too much time getting to him, it gives Tony and Happy, new Spider-Man gadgets and things, and it was an all-around good time. There may have been some issues with the comedy undercutting some important, potentially dramatic scenes, and the plotline being a generic one, but the film is a lot of fun regardless because Tom Holland alone reels you in and keeps you smiling. It’s small scale, and to some it may feel a tad bit underwhelming, but for the character of Spider-Man, this is where we needed to see him. In a “friendly, neighborhood” setting. It worked really well, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for Spider-Man in the future. I really hope he’s here to stay because: objectively, this is a great movie and Tom Holland is wonderful, but subjectively, Spidey is my favorite in all of Marvel comics, so I really want him to stick around in the MCU.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1266

Monday, June 17, 2019

 Marvel makes it hard to be a comic book collector kid. Spider-Man fans had to break into their Spidey banks to buy all 6 Spider-Man books that hit the racks last Wednesday. That's over thirty bucks Canuck here in Ontair-ee-air-ee-air-ee-oh. Talk about binge reading this week.

 Detective Comics #1005 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Brad Walker (pencils) Andrew Hennessy (inks) Nathan Fairbairn (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The conclusion of the Arkham Knight story has Batman and Robin saving Gotham City from the misguided zealot. The art is what keeps me reading but I hope the next story arc is more interesting.

 Catwoman #12 - Joelle Jones (writer) Fernando Blanco (art pages 1-8, 10-13, 15-17) Hugo Petrus (art pages 9, 14, 18-20) John Kalisz (colours) Saida Temofonte (letters). Using the old switcheroo for the heist of the art object during an auction may have been boring but the threat to someone that Selina cares about is what keeps me reading.

 Archie #705 - Nick Spencer (writer) Sandy Jarrell (artist) Matt Herms (colours) Jack Morelli (letters). Archie and Sabrina part 1. The conclusion of a story arc is the start of a new one. I want to see how this whole new relationship started and find out what the ominous changes are going to be happening. Archie comics are much more interesting these days.

 The Superior Spider-Man #7 - Christos Gage (writer) Lan Medina (pencils) Cam Smith (inks) Andy Troy (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Otto goes to L.A. and teams up with the West Coast Avengers in this War of the Realms tie-in. If Marvel ever brings back a Gwenpool comic book with Christos Gage as writer I'd read it for sure. Bet you didn't know that Doc Ock had invented a Phantom Zone eh?

 Marvel Action Spider-Man #5 - Erik Burnham (writer) Christopher Jones (art) Zac Atkinson (colours) Shawn Lee (letters). This story could be called "Kraven's First Hunt". Poopypants J. Jonah Jameson has hired Kraven the Hunter to capture Spider-Man and Sergei pursues his prey with gusto. I really like this book with Miles and Gwen getting schooled by Peter. It's higher on my "must read" list than Amazing.

 Ironheart #7 - Eve L. Ewing (writer) Luciano Vecchio (art) Geoffo (layouts) Matt Milla (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Riri and Nadia team up to fight zombies at the airport. As if O'Hare needs any more reasons for flight delays.

 Event Leviathan #1 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Alex Maleev (art) Joshua Reed (letters). This is billed as a 6-issue mystery thriller. The big mystery is who is Leviathan? This first issue wasn't super thrilling but it did have its moments. Bendis is remaking the DCU and he's started by destroying A.R.G.U.S. (Advanced Research Group Uniting Super-Humans), The D.E.O. (Department of Extranormal Operations), Kobra, Spyral and Task Force X. now Batman and Lois Lane are sleuthing to beat the band. It's explicitly stated that Leviathan is not Lex Luthor so my guess is wrong. I want to see if this story actually changes things in the DCU.

 Silver Surfer Black #1 - Donny Cates (writer) Tradd Moore (art) Dave Stewart (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Not to worry true believers, Norrin Radd is till silver. If you haven't been following the death of Thanos story in Guardians of the Galaxy than suffice it to know that the Silver Surfer is trapped in a dark dimension after saving his fellow heroes from the same fate. Here he encounters a malevolent villain who is quite formidable indeed. The art in this space fantasy brings to mind Jean Giraud AKA Moebius's work. I love the sleeker ballet dancer bod on Norrin. They've captured the tortured noble soul that appealed to me when I first read  Jack Kirby's creation so I will continue to read this 5-part arc.

 Immortal Hulk #19 - Al Ewing (writer) Joe Bennett (pencils) Ruy Jose & Belardino Brabo (inks) Paul Mounts & Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Oh my god, this issue is incredibly gross and awesome. The new Abomination, Harpy and Hulk meet for the first time. The encounter gives a new meaning to "eat your heart out".

 The Amazing Spider-Man #23 - Nick Spencer (writer) Ryan Ottley (pencils) Cliff Rathburn (inks) Nathan Fairbairn (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I give this epilogue to "Hunted" 5 eye rolls. First one was for the Avengers and friends rounding up the super villains after the force field came down. It's okay continuity conundrum complainers, this story takes place before War of the Realms. The second was for the Vulture getting the band back together with a new name, the Savage Six. The third was for the fine bromance between Task Master and the Black Ant. The fourth was for the death of Kraven the Hunter which means there's a new Kraven the Hunter now. The fifth and final eye roll was for the surprise super villain on the last page. The one thing that keeps me from benching this book is that there's a hint to who the mysterious super villain with the creepy crawly is. It's someone who knows Peter and Mary Jane and has the hots for MJ.

 Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #7 - Tom Taylor (writer) Ken Lashley (art) Nolan Woodard (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). No eye rolls for this comic book. "Feast or Famine" part 1 starts a new story involving Aunt May and her charity work. I'm sorry to say that the art isn't as nice as it was before this issue but the writing is still top drawer.

 Spider-Man Life Story #4 The '90s - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Mark Bagley (pencils) Andrew Hennessy (inks) Frank D'Armata (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). It's 1995 and Peter is 48-yeards-old. This one has Peter's clone Ben Reilly and old men Doc Ock and Norman Osborn. Now that I get what this mini series is all about, aging Peter Parker in real years since he got bitten at age 15 in 1962, I can stop ragging on the stories because they make a lot more sense.

 Symbiote Spider-Man #3 - Peter David (writer) Greg Land (pencils) Jay Leisten (inks) Frank D'Armata (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The highlight this issue was Felicia seducing Peter out of his black costume. The symbiote is not happy to have a piece of itself cut off by the Black Cat.

[recentnews18-blog]

New Post has been published on https://shovelnews.com/jonah-hill-joins-the-five-timers-club-on-a-uniformly-funny-saturday-night-live/

Jonah Hill joins the Five-Timers Club on a uniformly funny Saturday Night Live

Tina Fey, Jonah Hill, Candice Bergen, Drew BarrymoreScreenshot: Saturday Night Live

“I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.”

“I’m not an actor, I’m a [movie, Netflix, directing] star!

It’s be nice to think that Jonah Hill has fully stepped out of his pigeonhole at this point. A couple of Oscar nominations, co-lead in an hit Netflix series, writer-director of a promising new coming-of-age movie, Hill has emerged from the Apatow star factory still straddling the line between serious artist and broad comedy movie star. (Sort of like James Franco, except that people actually seem to like Hill’s directorial debut and no one—as of this writing—has accused Hill of being a sex creep.)

That dichotomy showed up in Hill’s monologue, as SNL legend Tina Fey ushered new Five-Timers Club member Hill into the selective lounge set, where fellow FTC members Candice Bergen and Drew Barrymore celebrated his entry by showing an old sketch where Hill’s character admits to doing some serious damage to a toilet. Protesting that he does more than toilet humor now (“But that’s where you shined!,” enthuses Bergen), the disappointed Hill can only endure an all-ladies Five-Timers welcome, since, according to Fey, Bergen, and Barrymore, all the male members have turned out to be, well, sex creeps. (Steve Martin will just play his banjo “without consent.”)

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Saturday Night LiveSeason 44

Fitted with the coveted FTC smoking jacket, Hill is disappointed to find that the new female leadership has refashioned it into something like a kicky boldero number. It’s a neat little way to incorporate Hill’s evolving comic persona while still trading on the downtrodden victim vibe he carries with him, especially once Kenan pops in to remind everyone that his record-breaking seniority carries its own privileges. “This is my show. I let you in here sometimes,” he responds to Hill questioning his presence in the Five-Timers lounge.

Over at Vulture, AV Clubber Jesse Hassenger recently did a ranking of the relatively rare phenomenon of SNL hosts’ recurring characters, and placed Hill’s Borscht Belt six-year-old Adam Grossman near the top. I get it. For one, the field isn’t exactly littered with gold (glad I’m not the only one sick of the Omletteville guy), with most of the bits weathering even faster than those done by the actual cast. But Grossman keeps working as well as he does because of a character throughline, as the garrulous little guy keeps tossing out his inexplicable Catskills schtick to his unlikely Benihana co-diners alongside a series of guardians indicating the unstable family life that’s somehow spawned such a weird creature. Here it’s forbearing nanny Leslie Jones, sighing deeply as she weathers Adam’s insult comic “I’m just kidding” one-liners as Grossman attempts to puncture any tension his borderline racist material generates by proclaiming his age (complete with specific and funny awkward hand gestures). It’s never been my favorite sketch, but Hill (who created the bit alongside Bill Hader and Seth Meyers, based on a bafflingly tracksuited child diner Hader once sat with) is into it, and he suggests the merest hints of the defensive mechanisms that are powering Adam’s transformation into a hacky joke machine, which always lends just enough shadings to the idea. Leslie kept breaking, but, then again, so did I.

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Weekend Update update

There was a certain elegance to the way SNL kept weaving themes through its political material tonight, with jokes about Trump’s “caravan of scary brown people” terror tactics, and the importance of voting on Tuesday reinforcing each other throughout. Jost and Che were on, each landing their material confidently. On the caravan (of desperate asylum seekers that are a thousand miles away), Jost noted how Trump’s sweatily named “Operation Faithful Patriot” (where American troops are needlessly stringing barbed wire for a piece of election eve fear-mongering theater) sounds like a company that makes “reverse mortgages and catheters.” (Fox News commercial viewers get that.) Che followed up on the race-baiting scare tactics by urging that the old white people being hyped about the looming but nonexistent threat should be more worried about the less-easily-scapegoated specter of their grandkids stealing their pain pills.

On the election front, Che continued his role as Update’s resident “slow your roll” skeptic, confessing that, while he does intend to vote (on Tuesday, November 6, kids), he’s not going to buy into any “final notice for democracy” panic. Joking that, if final notices were actually final, his college debts would actually be paid, Che, as ever, positions himself for the long view, an edgy place to be in a time of national crisis (see, there’s that panic), but one consistent with his stance as a (black) guy who’s been living in a dangerous situation his entire life. For Jost (white guy), the jokes were less pointed, but not bad, as he noted that things are pretty dire when ice cream is taking a side, and that it has to be a complicated feeling when Oprah knocks on your door, only to present you with a pamphlet about Georgia governor candidate Stacey Abrams instead of a new car.

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Pete Davidson has become such a strange star on SNL, his very public statements about his battles with mental health and substance abuse and the recent ongoing saga of his tabloid-fodder relationship with now-ex Ariana Grande have made Davidson more of a personality star than anyone I can think of in SNL history. Pete’s never been the most polished sketch guy (although he’s improved), and his Update pieces as himself have always been his best showcase, especially since he’s sharpened up his material beyond the adorable stoner little brother schtick he started out with. Here, with newly-dyed hair and the elephant of his recent, much-publicized breakup hanging over his head, Davidson delivered a solid series of political takedowns in advance of the Tuesday midterm elections. Sure, they were all cheeky appearance smack (NY Republican Peter King looks like “a cigar came to life,” Florida candidate Rick Scott looks like “if someone tried to whittle Bruce Willis out of a penis”), but, for a young comic staking out political material for the first time in his life, it’s funny stuff. And since SNL has made hay all season long about Davidson’s rising media profile, his genuinely sweet and decent-sounding appraisal of ex Grande was both de rigeur and unexpectedly touching.

Melissa Villaseñor made the leap to the main cast this year, but hasn’t had much opportunity to show off her mimicry skills or her comic chops much on the young season. So, taking a page out of Heidi Gardner’s playbook, she debuted a specifically targeted character piece on Update, with her “Every Teen Girl Murder Suspect on Law & Order.” Honestly, it’s such a specific Gardner niche at this point that I was surprised to see Villaseñor in the chair, but Melissa did fine, as her Brittany—ostensibly there to talk about young adult literature—squirmed and equivocated about what happened to her friend Logan at that “big alcohol party.” Not to harp on the comparison, but Brittany wasn’t as immediately memorable as any of Gardner’s similar turns, even if Villaseñor delivered on the premise with a uniformly strong performance.

Just when I think I’m tired of Kenan Thompson’s Big Papi, he pulls me back in. It helps that there’s a reason for his appearance tonight, as, you know, the Red Sox won the World Series again. (That’s, like, what, four in 15 years, right? Huh. Cool.) Petty sports partisanship aside, Kenan’s performance as retired and beloved Boston slugger David Ortiz has never been the problem. Kenan’s Ortiz, with his nonsensical endorsements, gap-toothed ebullience, and food obsession, is an all-time belly laugh, his infectious enthusiasm for baseball, food, his spokesman deal for the concept of spokes, and simply being Big Papi is impossible to hate. (Presumably even for Yankees fans, whose team got clobbered in the ALDS 3-1, including a humiliating 61-1 loss on their home diamond.) But the jokes don’t change much (as in, at all). Thankfully, it’s been a while, the Sox won the series, and it was nice to see the big lug again. Mofongo all around.

Best/worst sketch of the night

Look, some of you are going to clamor for a “worst” tag on Kate McKinnon’s teacher sketch. You’ll point to both its unexplained weirdness and its languorous pace, and how it never quite announces its authority as something that should appear as early in the show as it did. Well, shush. This was great stuff, not as much for the sketch itself (it really could have used more writing punch to match McKinnon’s performance), as for how it represents the sort of oddball conceptual idea Saturday Night Live desperately needs to encourage. The premise of someone acting weird while other people comment on it is hardly new SNL territory, but, as McKinnon’s overly dramatic drivers ed teacher sprawls on the classroom floor and rambles on about her predicament and its meaning, it was like a cool drink to realize that the sketch wasn’t going to go out of its way to hammer the premise home with explanations for the slowest possible viewer. It was just weird for weird’s sake, and McKinnon, accusing her charges at laughing at her “like this was some episode of Friend,” worked within the framework of the sketch to craft an enigmatically loopy character whose comic integrity isn’t over-explained. There is room on SNL for a lot more shades of humor than its current template generally allows.

This week’s branded content sketch, on the other hand, was pretty unnecessary, even if some of the performances livened it up a little, as another NBC property got some free advertising. Not watching interminably long-running televised talent shows as a rule, I’m not particularly invested in how the celebrity judges were impersonated here (although Kyle Mooney’s perpetually amazed Howie Mandel got a laugh). But at least the joke that there are only a very few possible narratives to every contestant’s journey on such shows took the piss a bit, and Cecily Strong, Kenan and Leslie, and Jonah Hill all sang their hearts out as the contestants who are probably terrible—but then are shockingly not terrible!

Also not terrible but not that surprising was the newscast sketch, where Cecily Strong’s weatherperson is nonplussed by boyfriend Hill’s decidedly unwelcome on-air proposal. Hill manages to create a nicely realized character is his unimpressive suitor, unwisely wearing a green shirt in front of Strong’s green screen and even more unwisely busting out a proposal rap. And the bit even has a decent turn, when Strong reveals that her refusal was only because she’d planned an elaborate on-air proposal of her own. I kept waiting for the reveal that Strong’s too-perfect twist was only in the downtrodden Hill’s head, but the sketch decided to let the improbable duo have their happy ending, so that’s nice.

“What do you call that act?” “The Californians!”—Recurring sketch report

Adam Grossman, Big Papi.

“It was my understanding there would be no math”—Political comedy report

With SNL’s resident guest Trump Alec Baldwin otherwise occupied (and pointedly joked about), the show opened with the always more-profitable tack of doing Trump without Trump. With Kate McKinnon adding Fox News talking head and smirking white supremacist Laura Ingraham’s glint-eyed provocation to her long list of current right-wing a-holes (“No, you’re an a-hole,” McKinnon’s Ingraham responds to her viewer mail), the sketch ran through the usual roster of weekly outrages. Finding ways to satirize the news at this point is a thankless task since reality is so far beyond satire that our pals at The Onion can essentially just transcribe stuff. Here, the jokes leant on hyperbole to make comedy out of Fox and friends’ (and Fox And Friends’) daily klaxon blare of racist bullshit designed to make white parents vote against their self-interest. Like Trump’s ginned-up, racist, Hail Mary, pre-midterms caravan, which Cecily Strong’s appropriately wild-eyed Jeanine Pirro’s claims contains such terrifying, non-white figures as “Guatemalans, Mexicans, the Menendez brothers, the 1990 Detroit Pistons, Thanos, and several Babadooks.” Similarly, Kenan Thompson’s cowboy-hat-wearing disgraced former Sheriff David Clarke showed footage of the caravan in the form of a swarm of migrating crabs. “And those are humans?,” gently presses McKinnon’s Ingraham, to which Clarke replies, “Basically, yeah.”

Unlike Baldwin’s uninspired Trump, which serves as a crutch for some very one-dimensional writing as a rule, the satire here is more layered. There are the performances, which are uniformly great. (McKinnon and Strong don’t need more praise at this point, but they are both outstanding, nuanced comic actresses). And the sketch casts a wider net, encompassing Ingraham’s fleeing sponsors (and the reason why), leaving her thanking warm ice cream, nurse’s sneakers, and White Castle. (“A castle for whites? Yes please.”) And, divorced for now by Baldwin/Trump’s absence, the cold open works to lay the groundwork for some recurring satirical themes for the rest of the show. There’s GOP voter suppression, here prodded along by Ingraham giving non-white voters the wrong advice. There’s Fox’s feverish efforts to mock the very idea that Donald Trump is a bigot. (“Except for his words and actions throughout his life how is he racist?”) And there’s the transparent propaganda of Trump’s latest “brown people are coming at you from below” propaganda, with McKinnon claiming that Trump’s try-hard gung-ho operation is actually named “Operation Eagle With A Huge Dong” and bragging that there will be “five armed soldiers for every shoeless immigrant child.”

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Hey, there’s a midterm election coming up on Tuesday, so vote in that. Pete Davidson ended his amiably goofy Update stint by urging everyone to vote, as did musical guest Maggie Rogers (via T-shirt), and, in the Vote Blue campaign ad, so did a roster of very fucking nervous Democrats. While polling shows that maybe, perhaps, enough Americans are motivated, pissed, and goddamned terrified enough to actually go out and vote on Tuesday (yes, this coming Tuesday, you) to put some checks in place against Donald Trump and his GOP accomplices in dismantling democratic norms, environmental regulations, and civil rights of any kind, well, we’ve seen sweaty Democratic overconfidence explode in our faces before. That’s the message here, as the person-on-the-street interviews parroting optimistic election messages all veer into a series of forced grins, shaking hands, binge-drinking, eyes-averted mumbling, and, in the case of Heidi Gardner’s tremble-voiced suburban mom, hair-trigger panic. “Get inside until Tuesday!,” she snaps at her frolicking children, while Hill’s anxious doctor tries to take comfort in the fact that Nancy Pelosi predicted a big victory on Colbert, and Leslie Jones grits her teeth in her stated faith that “white women are going to the right thing this time.” Pitch perfect stuff, right down to Aidy Bryant hauling off to slap teenaged son Pete Davidson when he jokes about forgetting when Election Day is. (It’s Tuesday. November 6. Check here for all the necessary info you need to vote. On Tuesday.)

“HuckaPM” continued SNL’s baffling comedy position that literally every woman involved in the Trump administration is secretly ashamed of her role in, well, every shitty thing Trump and the Republican Party does. You know, despite the fact that there is no evidence to that in the public or private actions of any of them, including (or especially) the sketch’s target, White House Press Secretary and sneering daily mouthpiece for whatever bigoted nonsense dribbles out of Trump’s Twitter account in the middle of the night, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Still, this sketch works because of Aidy. Good god, is Aidy Bryant great at physical comedy. Even if one can’t follow the show’s premise that there is some glimmer of humanity in Sanders’ soul somewhere, Aidy sells the hell out of the idea that only a sleeping pill loaded with quaaludes and “what Michael Jackson’s doctor called ‘one-and-dones’” can knock Sanders out after a day of claiming that “CNN spelled backward is ISIS” and that Trump’s caravan boogeymen includes ravenous chupacabras with a trio of outstandingly timed and committed falls. Sometimes performance overcomes everything else.

The off-Broadway show short film trafficked in a sort of joke that never doesn’t work on me, so I’m going to allow myself to be pandered to. The main joke—that an actor-written topical revue is not very well written—is fine. (I loved how at least two of the numbers shamelessly aped Hamilton). But I’m just a sucker for jokes where scathing review blurbs are read out as if they’re raves by an enthusiastic voice-over guy, and these had me laughing. “This is helping no one,” and “Whose parents paid for this?” were good, but the New York Times critic’s economical “Jesus Christ!” got me out loud.

I am hip to the musics of today

Maggie Rogers came out flat in her SNL debut. Like, vocally, very flat for her first song of lilting, pretty pop. It was the sort of wobbly beginning that could knock a fledgeling performer right off her pins, but, to her credit, Rogers came back stronger in the second number. It helped that that song was more uptempo and didn’t highlight a delicate introductory vocal, but, still, props to Rogers for pulling it together. As Adam Grossman might bellow, “Redemption song!”

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Ego Nwodim got a line. Keep plugging, new kid.

Otherwise, in an exceptionally strong night for the female cast, Kate wins it by a whisker, edging out Cecily and Aidy.

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“What the hell is that thing?”—The Ten-To-Oneland Report

While it’s no “Whiskers R We,” “Wigs For Pugs” ably carried on the ten-to-one tradition of doing adorably weird stuff with animals, as Hill and Cecily Strong played a couple of clearly mobbed-up entrepreneurs whose pug toupee business is in no way “a front for something.” Mainly, it’s just pugs in wigs, with a succession of very chill pugs getting carried out in their hairy finery, but sometimes that’s enough. And Hill, Strong, Aidy, Mooney, and Kenan (as a guy making pug beards) are thoroughly committed to their characters in a broad yet deadpan way that adds another level to the premise. Pugs in wigs. What more do you need, people?

Stray observations

Kenan’s Clarke cites his caravan sources as “the crows from Dumbo,” echoing Clarke’s description of his current state as “unpopular with my own people.”

McKinnon’s Ingraham refers to Baldwin as “disgraced former actor Alec Baldwin” and shows a clip from “Canteen Boy” to explain.

Che claims that the country would be doing better if red state parents would stop “sending all their liberal kids to coastal cities to do improv.”

Pete Davidson, addressing his new blue hair, claims he looks like “a guy who makes vape juice in a bathtub,” and “a Dr. Seuss character who went to prison.”

Melissa Villaseñor’s teen suspect finally breaks down, telling Jost that she only stabbed her dead friend as a joke, “but Logan took it the wrong way and started bleeding.”

Big Papi for Apple Watch: “You gotta watch your apples or a monkey’s gonna steal them, man!”

Vote on Tuesday.

The Red Sox won the World Series.

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Source: https://tv.avclub.com/jonah-hill-joins-the-five-timers-club-on-a-uniformly-fu-1830206395

[latestnews2018-blog]

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Beyoncé's Braid

New Post has been published on https://latestnews2018.com/there-were-zero-things-better-this-week-than-beyonces-braid/

There Were Zero Things Better This Week Than Beyoncé's Braid

Welcome to Good Stuff, HuffPost’s weekly recommendation series devoted to the least bad things on and off the internet.  

Beyoncé has had a hell of a week. She was granted full control over Vogue magazine’s coveted September cover and used her power to hire the first black photographer to shoot the cover in 126 years. This was before she dragged the fuck out of her husband’s former mistress while performing onstage during ANOTHER sold-out world tour before she got her nails done at 1 a.m. as we lessers slept.

But her best moment came during the On The Run II tour stop in Philadelphia, when our Queen Beyoncé resurrected her high braid — a mythical creature that first graced us with its presence during the Tidal x 1015 concert in 2016. In one memorable moment, the braid takes flight, swinging to the left before floating briefly in front of its master’s face. Then it snaps to the right and drapes itself over her shoulder. Even the braid bows down, despite having the capability to slice Becky With The Good Hair in half. Wow.

How the braid whips, bounces, spins, jerks, twerks and prances through the air with a distinct choreography that, somehow, moves in tandem with Beyoncé is something I still haven’t figured out. But I am nothing more than a mere mortal gazing upon a goddess and her agile, all-powerful braid. I’m convinced that the braid is the last Infinity Stone. It will save the universe from Thanos, climate change, income inequality, racism, sexism and all other social ills since the goddess wielding it is a black woman dedicated to improving the lives of marginalized groups.

Do you now understand why your fave could never? ― Julia Craven

Henry Cavill’s Magical Beard In ‘Mission: Impossible ― Fallout’ 

my sexual orientation is henry cavill loading his biceps so hard he actually grows more beard and forms a pocket in his shirt pic.twitter.com/lo9tN3D8WR

— little king trashmouth (@masonjar92) August 2, 2018

One time in high school, I tried to grow a beard instantaneously. Everyone else laughed and said it couldn’t be done. After puckering my face a while in an attempt to squeeze out a follicle without anything happening, I started to believe them. At least, until the recent release of “Mission: Impossible ― Fallout.” From that movie comes the GIF of Henry Cavill cocking his arms and magically growing a beard. He even grows a breast pocket for good measure, like a real gentleman.

Since then, my life has changed.

I want to say thanks, Henry Cavill, for giving bare-faced high school kids hope. I want to tell you that all the grief you’ve gotten for the weird CGI cover-up in “Justice League” was worth it.

But mostly I just wanna say, “Eat my shorts, Class of 2006!” I told you it could be done. (And while I’m at it, to my childhood development class teacher: I know I said I was sorry for drinking that extra grape juice box, but I’m not. I wanted to drink it. I like grape juice. And it was delicious.) ― Bill Bradley

The RHONY Boat Ride From Hell

This week, “Real Housewives of New York” fans finally got to see the long-awaited “boat ride from hell.”

There is a particular pleasure in watching arguably terrible people you alternately love and loathe experience the terror of a clunking mini-yacht getting swept up in the choppy waters of Colombia. Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer volleyed between screaming up at the sky and clutching each other. Carole Radziwill vomited into a champagne bucket and later said the boat was scarier than being a foreign correspondent during wartime. Bethenny Frankel held Radziwill’s hair back and tried to avoid being hit with flying deck furniture. Luann de Lesseps hit the floor for cover. Dorinda Medley frantically searched for life jackets (there was only one) as she yelled that she smelled smoke. Tinsley Mortimer and her perfect french braids were unfazed. Afterward, the housewives were safe, but they all had diarrhea.

Some might call watching the boat ride from hell a guilty pleasure, but I feel no guilt. As Vulture’s Bryan Moylan put it: “This is the apocalypse that we hath wrought and it is glorious and it is still not enough.” ― Emma Gray

A Good Week In Music

This was a really good music week. NPR kicked it off with a project that ranked “the top 200 songs by 21st century women+” ― an awesome cross-genre compilation of music from the last 18 years that I’ve spent most of the week cycling through. As a country fan, I was happy to see so many women from a genre that usually ignores them get their due, and while I naturally have some small quibbles (I might have chosen different songs by Miranda Lambert and Kacey Musgraves), the list overall was a great installment in NPR’s ongoing effort to celebrate pop music in “more inclusive ― and accurate ― ways.”

Then, on Friday morning, a friend on Twitter pointed me toward “To The Sunset,” a new album from Americana/folk/country crossover artist Amanda Shires. “To The Sunset” is yet another album that doesn’t fit neatly into any single pop genre ― Shires called it “futuristic” in an interview with The Boot this week, and has openly talked about breaking from the traditionalism of both country and Americana. You can hear that sort of sound from the opening notes of “Parking Lot Pirouette,” the album’s opening track. And “Break Out The Champagne” might wind up as one of my favorite songs of the summer.

“I don’t usually toot my own horn, but it’s a pretty good record,” Shires said in The Boot interview. I’ve only made it all the way through once as of this writing, but so far, “pretty good” is a pretty big understatement. ― Travis Waldron

A Dog Dancing With A Frilly Pink Umbrella

Dog Umbrella Dance pic.twitter.com/K3KUvO692g

— Nature is Amazing 🌴 (@AMAZlNGNATURE) August 2, 2018

Apparently this video is from 1999, if a YouTube account called ViralHog is to be believed, but I didn’t experience this jovial prancing pup until this week, so it counts. There are so many good things about this: his frilly pink umbrella, his jaunty hops, the fact that a Twitter account called “Nature Is Amazing” posted this. The best part, though, are the very stilted (and fancy!) crossover steps he takes toward the end of the video — the whole thing is 15 seconds, so don’t worry, you don’t have to wait long. What a good boy. Nature is amazing. ― Jillian Capewell

LeBron James’ School

Allison Farrand/Getty Images

LeBron James addresses the media following the grand opening of the I Promise school on July 30, 2018, in Akron, Ohio.

The best thing I saw this week was the rollout of LeBron James’ new school in his hometown of Akron, Ohio. The I Promise School, as it’s known, isn’t a private school, and it’s not a charter school. It’s a straight public school, but with exceptionally progressive ideas meant to help children in the same position James once found himself.

“I know these kids basically more than they know themselves,” he said this week. “Everything that they’re going through as kids, I know.”

As such, the I Promise School focuses on kids who are behind their peer group, and it tries to help their parents and guardians, too, with GED classes, job placement services and more. School days will be longer, as will school years, but that’s to keep the kids out of trouble. Transport is free. So is breakfast and lunch. Each kid gets a free bike and helmet. And if a child successfully graduates from James’ school, he’ll pay for his or her tuition at the University of Akron. Somehow, all that still doesn’t come close to explaining everything about this school, which came as a much-needed dose of inspiration for me this week. ― Maxwell Strachan

A Very Pretty Song About What A Disappointment I Am

Although Pitchfork tried its best to make me ashamed of it, I adored the dreamy debut Wet album, “Don’t You” so much that it dominated my 2016 Spotify wrap-up playlist. The indie pop group’s sophomore album, “Still Run,” dropped last month ― in the interim, the band went through a crisis that resulted in a lineup change and a romantic break-up between two members ― and I have now gotten around to being obsessed with one of its gorgeous singles, “Lately,” a wistful yet full-throated artistic break-up song with lilting verses that make my insides feel like they’re floating free in a sea of salt tears.

“Lately” is about trying to make someone feel useful while dealing with the reality that they’re not useful. “Lately” is about having a selfish boyfriend, maybe, or a lazy co-worker. “Lately” is about giving everything you have to give and then giving a little more and then saying “enough.” Band leader Kelly Zutrau’s voice alternately whispers and throbs; when it throbs, I feel like an invisible wire is tugging at my heart, trying to pull it out from behind my rib cage.

I listen to it all the time: on the subway, while elbowing through tourists in Union Square, while washing the dishes, while sitting at my desk. I listen to Zutrau croon, “I’ve been bending over backwards just to make you feel like you’re wanted / I use up all my energy just to make sure that you know you’re important.”

I imagine that this is what my editor thought when I sent her a rough draft that ends “TK ending, any thoughts?” and then followed up with a Slack message complaining that no one takes my writing seriously. My eyes grow damp. I softly warble, “So what have you done for me lately?” The Union Square tourists give me odd looks. I don’t care. That is the power of this song. ― Claire Fallon

‘The O.C.’, 15 Years Later

It’s been 15 years (!!!) since “The O.C.” premiered on Fox, and this story in The Washington Post was a delightful nostalgia trip that examines the role indie music played on the show. There are lots of fun tidbits in that story (who knew Rooney was named after the principal in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”?) but mostly, it’s just a fun look back at the melodramatic music that served as both the soundtrack to the show and to the high school years of many American teens who dreamed of living rich in California ― myself included.

Can anyone listen to The Dandy Warhols now without thinking of Seth Cohen bopping through his house in a bathrobe and a graphic tee? ― Paige Lavender

‘Eighth Grade’ Opening In Wide Release

August is always a spotty month for movies, left to catch the summer-blockbuster runoff and pave a fresh road toward Oscar season. This week’s big studio releases — the action comedy “The Spy Who Dumped Me,” the YA sci-fi knockoff “The Darkest Minds” and the melancholic kiddy caper “Christopher Robin” — are mostly disappointments. So instead, you should see “Eighth Grade.”

Centered on the social frailty of a 13-year-old (promising newcomer Elsie Fisher), Bo Burnham’s directorial debut has been steadily expanding to more theaters over the past few weeks, and now it’s nationwide, poised to delight everyone who enters its orbit. Here, middle school is just as terrifying as anything you’ve seen in “Hereditary” or “A Quiet Place” — but the movie makes up for it with a smokin’ hot dad (Josh Hamilton), salient commentary about the trials of social media, a timeless portrait of adolescent anxieties and a note-perfect music cue from the one and only Irish castle dweller known as Enya. “Eighth Grade” is the “Lady Bird” of 2018, ushering in a month full of astute films about teen girls (see: “Skate Kitchen,” “Madeline’s Madeline”). Don’t miss it. ― Matthew Jacobs

A Band Called Let’s Eat Grandma

Let’s Eat Grandma ― an experimental “sludge pop” group comprised of lifelong BFFs Jenny Hollingworth and Rosa Walton, both 19 ― released their second album, dubbed “I’m All Ears,” in early July.

A huge fan of their first album “I, Gemini,” a fairy tale-inflected freak show for the ears, I was excited to press play. The first song sounds like a threesome between Robyn and the “Phantom of the Opera” duo ― i.e. MY TWO FAVORITE THINGS.

The album perpetuates LEG’s predilection for twisting people’s perceptions of girliness to uncanny extremes. (The musicians are known to, at concerts, flip their waist-length hair over their faces and perform secret handshakes like haunted twins.) “I’m All Ears” continues to explore teenage girlhood using fantasy and horror as lenses ― or in their case, kaleidoscopes. ― Priscilla Frank

The Future Of Film Is Female

This week marked “The Future of Film is Female,” a fun series of films hosted by New York’s Museum of Modern Art, featuring women directors and creators. The organizers, Nitehawk Cinema’s Caryn Coleman and MoMA’s Rajendra Roy, did a good job picking out important, up-and-coming filmmakers to spotlight. I was lucky enough to see “Landline,” the charming 2017 comedy about family, fidelity and growing up, as well as “Bar Bahar” (“In Between”), about three female flatmates in Tel Aviv whose attitude and togetherness pushes them through tough times. “Landline,” in particular, sparkled for its snappy writing (by a woman) and its lovable lead actress (Jenny Slate). ― Anna Krakowsky

Patti Smith Eating Carrot Salad Over And Over Again

Instagram

I check the hashtag #carrotsaladatumas on a weekly basis. It’s never updated that often, but I labor in the pursuit of a digital Patti Smith sighting that warms my otherwise cold, depressive heart. In each of the photos associated with the tag, Patti appears at a Far Rockaway cafe alongside an unassuming bowl of electric orange wisps. A profoundly well-coiffed man sits next to her. It’s always Klaus. (Klaus Biesenbach, the violently handsome former museum director of New York’s MoMA PS1, who’s headed to LA for a fancy new gig.) And his caption is usually the same: “good to have a weekly routine.” Goddamnit, he’s right. ― Katherine Brooks

Read last week’s Good Stuff.

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[the-kool-kyle]

Avengers Infinity War Review

It's been ten long years since Iron Man first began the Marvel Cinematic Universe....where it spent all it's time bringing in all of the best known Avengers from the comics and giving them live action movies to build up this beloved cinematic universe that has created billions of fans world wide. Marvel fans feel awesome since their favourite heroes and villains were being brought to life on the silver screen. But now let's talk about the one thing they've been building to since day one..........The Infinity War as based on the comic with the same name. Infinity War is about the most powerful being in the universe, Thanos, trying to recover all six of the Infinity Stones we've seen in other MCU movies and trying to use their power to destroy and/or control the universe itself. All of the heroes we've be given over the years: Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, Hulk and many, many more to stop him. Nothing could have described the hype when the first trailer dropped and the number of people who went full on fan boy/girl after watching.......But was it really worth it?

After watching this movie I was left completely speechless and shocked by how it turned out. To put it simply, it turned out completely different than the one me and so many other people made up in our heads, leaving us wondering “Did we like it?”. This film was full of many twists and turns none of us saw coming that completely ambushed us and took us by surprise. But then again it was good to see that this time Marvel had the upper hand and gave us a movie no could have predicted that had to be seen in theatres to fully appreciate. You had to have seen literally every single other MCU film to fully understand, and it helped if you'd read certain issues of comics as well. I think true MCU fans will understand what this movie is saying, and especially what is going to happen next in the timeline of the universe.

One thing that really made this film so popular is the amount of characters from the previous MCU movies. While it isn't all of them as we know, there are still a lot of the colourful and lovable character we've all fallen in love with: Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and Hulk but they also brought in Spider-Man, Doctor Strange, The Guardians of the Galaxy and the Black Panther. As always the actors do an excellent job in bringing their characters to life on the silver screen, and while some are better than others, there has been a lot of debate on weather bringing them all together at this time was the right move. I can honestly say that even though it may seem like there were too many cooks in the kitchen, it did a great job in providing an even amount of screen time for each “team”. However, it still raises some problems. While it was awesome all these characters were in this movie, there was a lot of different story lines going on at once, which left many people forgetting parts of the film, because they found some parts hard to remember because it was either too fast are hard to follow. But if you see the film at least more than once then you’ll start to better understand what's going on.

Now the one thing that has made this film so controversial is all the moments that makes us really “feel”. I'm not giving away spoilers but there are quiet a few moments where people get really emotional from what happened leaving them scarred for life as these things can't be unseen. However this film does still provide tons of action scenes that this time they've really knocked out of the park which may be some of the best marvel action and fight sequences to date. They are fast paced, brilliantly shot, perfectly edited, and well acted, which left audiences completely amazed.

Of course this movie was packed full of funny moments which has become something Marvel movies need to put in, which I honestly think is a little too much. I have to be honest some of the humour in these are good but most of the time it just feels completely forced and unnecessary turning these comic book movies into more comedy movies which may completely change the appearance of these films if they add too much. I have to say that Marvel needs to tone down a little of the humour and only use it in moments that suit what's happening on screen.

But nothing made the viewers go full-on-fanboy more than the awesome portrayal of Thanos. Josh Brolin does a excellent job in playing one of Marvel's most powerful super villains, the evil Mad Titan who seeks the Infinity Stones and has been since the post credit scene at the end of the first Avengers. Age of Ultron showed us that he obtained the Infinity Gauntlet which (with all six stones attached) will give him control of the universe as it has been said in the comics. I can say without a doubt that Thanos will take his place among Loki, Ultron, Hela, Eric Killmonger, Vulture and The Winter Soldier as one of the MCU's best super villains which is good cause most of the time we get disposable forgettable villains who only last one movie and never hear from again so this a major milestone.

So to make it clear......Infinity War is hard to fully define and may be one of the most controversial movies ever made that left many people and the MCU it's self changed forever and raises many questions and theories. But this is only Part 1 and with Part 2 still a year away we have plenty of time to debate on whether part 2 is truly worth what this one has put us through. There's a lot more to be said about Infinity War but that gives out major spoilers something I've sworn to never given out on my reviews so go and see it yourself and find out why this film has made a billion dollars in a week after it’s release.

Final Verdict 8.5/10

[notable-law-music-tech-news]

What’s really going on with Spotify’s fake artist controversy

Last week, Vulture published a report suggesting, among other things, that music streaming service Spotify games its own royalty system by creating and promoting in-house, or “fake” artists. The allegation isn’t new. Almost a year ago, the industry blog Music Business Worldwide wrote a piece that suggested Spotify was paying producers a flat fee to create tracks for its playlists — some of which garner over 1 million subscribers — instead of licensing the content and paying out royalties to the rights holders. In these alleged deals, Spotify would control the master copyright (with publishing potentially negotiable). If true, Spotify would be partaking in a stunning scheme: secretly astroturfing its playlists with undercover in-house artists, saving itself a fortune as those tracks racked up millions of streams.

MBW’s initial story went stagnant for nearly a year until Vulture’s piece pointed out playlists like Ambient Chill, which features a song from an obscure band called Deep Watch that has no footprint outside of Spotify. Another playlist — Sleep — features an unknown, Spotify-only artist by the name of Enno Aare. Vulture suggested that these may be the so-called fake artists MBW warned us of last summer.

“We do not and have never created 'fake' artists and put them on Spotify playlists.”

On Sunday, Spotify issued a strong denial in Billboard. “We do not and have never created 'fake' artists and put them on Spotify playlists. Categorically untrue, full stop,” a Spotify spokesperson said. In a statement to The Verge, Spotify denied the claims that it was paying flat fees for song rights. “We do not own any song rights, we’re not a label. All our music is licensed from rights holders and we pay royalties for all tracks on Spotify.”

In response, MBW published a list of 50 artists with millions of streams it says fit the profile of “fake artists” and suggested that if Spotify wasn’t buying the tracks outright, it may be arranging reduced royalty rates. The story has since been picked up by other outlets, including Variety, which quoted a “former Spotify insider” who said that the practice is “one of a number of internal initiatives to lower the royalties they’re paying to the major labels,” in order to help “them in their negotiations with the record companies.”

MBW’s piece focused in on the Jazz, Chill, and piano genres, each of which boast substantial playlists. “These non-existent acts are deliberately being chosen for inclusion, time and time again, on first-party playlists with millions of followers at the expense of label-signed music,” the publication wrote, implying that Spotify is getting away with siphoning money away from legitimate artists signed by labels.

After going through MBW’s list of 50 artists, The Verge has learned that most of the artists on the list are pseudonyms for real musicians. Just a handful of those real musicians account for a huge chunk of the list. But a source confirms that Spotify does reach out to labels to request specific types of tracks to fill out its playlists.

By way of interviews with the artists behind some of the tracks on the list, The Verge can confirm that many of the artists behind the names on the list are independent musicians. Some have public careers of their own, while others have taken on various roles behind the scenes as producers, commissioned soundtrack artists, or session musicians.

A source confirms that Spotify does reach out to labels to request specific types of tracks to fill out its playlists

One of the musicians on MBW’s list who has written under several aliases is Andreas Aleman, a songwriter, singer, and keyboardist. His artist profile on Spotify contains the funk-driven music Aleman performs publicly. But he also posts music under aliases found in MBW’s report, which include Allysa Nelson, Wilma Harrods, Amy Yeager, and Milo Stavos — piano instrumentals that pepper Spotify playlists. Another musician, Magnuz Folke, is a piano teacher whose public SoundCloud has an array of rock- and pop-infused songs. On Spotify, he releases instrumental piano songs that appear under aliases like Saga Rosen, Jean Petri, Agatha Reilly, and Pernilla Mayer, the latter of which is included on MBW’s list.

The notion that these writers are intentionally obscuring themselves is not entirely accurate. As long as they have registered their work with a performing rights organization like ASCAP, their name is readily available when looking up a song’s information.

There are a variety of reasons why musicians create music under aliases. One songwriter behind numerous names on MBW’s list wished to remain anonymous but explained, “I am not and have no intention of ever becoming an artist in any sense of the word. I don't perform live and hence I don't need or seek publicity. I am a songwriter [and] composer with a broad taste and understanding and a wide variety of skills in many musical areas… This is an artistic outlet for me.” The songwriter noted that having an expansive, unfocused public personal discography can actually be detrimental. To avoid this, they release these instrumental piano songs under a roster of different names.

According to the songwriter, Spotify doesn’t own any rights to their music. When asked why these songs were only released on Spotify, they said, “If you can name any other platform where this type of low-key instrumental music is appreciated to a higher degree than Spotify I will most definitely give it a try.” It’ll eventually be distributed more widely, the songwriter noted, but “I just haven't gotten around to it yet.”

Another producer who worked on a number of tracks on MBW’s list said, “I'm just a songwriter / producer / pianist, and also work as a session musician. Nothing to be curious about, really.” As for collusion with Spotify? “Unfortunately I don't know anyone at Spotify, but I'm fortunate that my music has been added to some playlists.”

The popularity of piano-driven songs on Spotify is not new. The chill and piano playlists offer perfect background tracks for retail stores, or offices. In 2015, The Guardian noticed a surge in Spotify’s “environmental/sleep/relaxative” category, and in 2016, it published an essay by pianist Neil Cowley describing how one of his solo piano pieces was plucked to be on Spotify’s “Peaceful piano” playlist, which has around 2 million followers. It was not planned, and he did not know anyone at Spotify. Thanks to the playlist, Crowley’s song, which he had expected to get around 3,000 plays in the first few days, wound up acquiring around 2 million plays in the first eight weeks.

Artists on those labels then generate the content, occasionally using a pseudonym

How does Spotify pick the songs for these playlists? Typically, Spotify uses its normal operating procedures of algorithms and human curation to pick out songs for playlists. But sometimes there aren’t enough tracks to fill out a list. Though The Verge found no evidence of Spotify independently commissioning music, a source close to Spotify confirms that the streaming service will reach out to labels — usually independent ones — to ask to license content to fill out certain playlists. That content is licensed in a non-exclusive manner; Spotify does not own the rights to the tracks. Artists on those labels then generate the content, occasionally using a pseudonym. It is unclear whether Spotify negotiates a separate royalty structure for these artists.

In an additional follow-up article published today by MBW, it was discovered that some of the artists that could not be found on databases like ASCAP were composers that create library content for Swedish company Epidemic Sound. Library content companies work with composers to create stock music for ads, soundtracks, video games, and other kinds of commercial background music. Unlike a traditional music publishing structure, library content companies own all the copyrights to their music, allowing them to license it out without the composer’s permission.

According to MBW, Epidemic entered into a distribution agreement with Spotify a year ago. Similar to what artists told us independently, Epidemic CEO Oscar Hoglund told MBW, “These are professional composers, who earn a living by creating quality music. As is often the case with songwriters and indeed mainstream pop artists, some composers choose to work under their real names whilst some prefer to use pseudonyms.”

MBW notes that Epidemic’s website states they do not pay royalties, but Spotify has said in statements that royalties are paid for every song on the platform. The Verge reached out to Hoglund to inquire if Epidemic had a royalty structure exclusive to their Spotify deal not published on their website. Hoglund declined to disclose specific details of Epidemic’s deal with Spotify, but said the company has a traditional royalty deal with Spotify and noted “we share [royalty] revenue from Spotify 50/50 with our composers.”

As far as publishing rights, many of the artists on MBW’s list were tied to a handful of firms including Q&L Publishing, Firefly Entertainment AB, and Universal Music Group. Q&L Publishing is run by Andreas Romdhane (aka Quiz) and Josef Svedlund (aka Larossi), a Swedish-based duo who have written and produced songs for acts like Kelly Clarkson and Diana Ross. Firefly Entertainment AB is a Swedish music publishing and television company with seven signed songwriters and one artist who release music under their own names but are also accomplished writers and session musicians. Many of the artists on MBW’s list also retain all rights to their publishing, using publishing companies they’ve founded themselves.

“We do not own any of the music rights and we do not own any music publishing companies or parts of any music publishing companies.”

We asked Spotify if it owned any music publishing companies in part or as a whole, as MBW’s sources claimed it did. “We do not own any of the music rights and we do not own any music publishing companies or parts of any music publishing companies,” Spotify told The Verge.

There is the curious fact that most of the artists on MBW’s list are based in Sweden, where Spotify was founded. Is Spotify getting artists in its backyard to work on the cheap, or is Sweden just a musical juggernaut? It’s unclear why there’s a disproportionate amount of Swedish artists appearing on the playlists, thought it should be noted that the Nordic nation is something of a powerhouse when it comes to music. In 2011, the country of 9.5 million people produced music exports worth $150 million, the highest per capita on Earth. And Sweden has produced Spotify, SoundCloud, and Max Martin, the most successful songwriter on the planet. However, the answer could be much simpler. Spotify also has an outsized influence in the region.

“Infrastructure and access are a huge part of the answer to a pretty complicated question. Spotify has a huge chunk of the market in the Nordics, well over 90 percent,” says Dan Roy Carter, founder of Above Board, a Stockholm-based music marketing and publicity company with clients like Zara Larsson and Icona Pop. “This means that for so many labels and publishers, Spotify is almost an exclusive strategic focus.”

So here’s what we know: the majority of the artists listed by MBW are legitimate artists, writers, and session musicians using pseudonyms for a variety of personal and business reasons. Many of them use seemingly legitimate publishing companies — including Universal Music Group’s publishing arm — to primarily publish instrumental piano songs that have a higher chance to make it onto piano playlists. Some of them use library music company Epidemic Sound, which has a royalty agreement with Spotify.

We also know that Spotify asks labels for songs to fill out certain playlists in these genres, and that labels will also offer Spotify tracks it may think will fit on the playlist. We know that legitimate publishing companies like Firefly Entertainment AB are also behind some of these artists. Spotify says that it does not own in whole or in part any music publishing companies that would allow it to save money on the backend.

We don’t know whether there’s any secret machination behind the fact that single-track artists, even under pseudonyms, are appearing on playlists. Spotify’s playlists are built by a team of curators who use data to make adjustments to the playlists based on user interaction, according to a report from BuzzFeed. It’s possible that Epidemic and publishing companies like Firefly have established relationships with curators, and send them songs in consideration for playlist inclusion.

Using in-house artists for leverage in contract negotiations wouldn’t have much of an effect

We also don’t know whether Spotify is paying a lower rate per stream for these tracks. It’s unlikely, given that some of these artists may already have existing deals in place with Spotify through music publishers associations, or are working with independent labels under the Merlin Network which negotiates deals for thousands of labels at once.

Is Spotify really astroturfing its jazz and chill playlists by hiring artists directly? Not that we can tell. And the incentive for doing so would be minimal: using in-house artists for leverage in contract negotiations wouldn’t have much of an effect, as all the major labels have Most Favored Nation clauses that allows labels to match the best deal attained by another. (This is why Spotify and Sony recently agreed to a 52 percent revenue share as reported by Billboard, the same deal that Spotify and Universal Music Group agreed to earlier this year.)

In addition, the estimated total revenue garnered by the 520 million streams of the 50 artists MBW listed adds up to $3 million. Given that Spotify earned $3.3 billion in revenue last year, $3 million seems like a paltry amount of money to save while potentially committing fraud. The risk Spotify runs — alienating major labels during a negotiation period, infuriating music publishers, and confirming its reputation as the streaming service least-friendly to artists — seems far greater than the $3 million they stand to gain.

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